How did I get this way?

[MoMac]

Well I've always been shy and quiet. I always hung around alone at primary school because I felt inferior to other children. I made my only real friend in high school. High school was a difficult time for me. My dad had two cancer operations before he was dianosed as terminal and he died when I was 14. I cried myself to sleep every night for few weeks. I think i used up my lifetimes supply of tears because I've hardly cried since. After my dad dying my older sister really went off the rails and attempted suicide several times before she hung herself in hospital. She was revived but is now only breathing for herself and nothing more so she's in hospital for life (what life she has that is.) I'm quite bitter about it because she wasn't watched after better in hospital. It was after that life looked pointless and although I tried to make a go of life an emptiness has stayed with me. I'm currently receiving a lot of support and medical advice though and I'm feeling better than I ever remember feeling although I've became quite emotional. I have two great little girls and they keep me hanging in through hard times and grounded. They're very contented children and ever so sweet and helpful. My older one talks constantly and my little one is just hilarious with the things she does.

Thank you to anyone who reads this.

[Brook]

So glad you are here, MoMac! Your story is amazing!

Brook

[Emotional_77]

touching story hun. ((((MoMac))))

[shmuel]

Hi NoMac...thank you so much for sharing some of your life here.
I was also a bit on the outside looking in during my school days... but that time of my life doesn`t seem to have left any visible scars.
Did you have any chance to share your grief after your father died?Was there a person around who helped you?
Maybe ..could you share your grief then.. at 14.
What happened to your sister is awful.. I`m speechless...all I wanna do is hug you.
Did she suffer brain damage?
I can understand your bitterness... does that feeling still play a part in your life?
NoMac... I hope these questions are not too much for you?I don`t mean to cause harm or intrude... just wanna get to know you better.I hope you don`t mind.
That feeling of emptiness... a small word that covers so much.I get a feeling of being useless quite often.Useless and empty... seems we are related
Good to hear that your life is picking up..the girls sound adorable.
And keep in mind you also have us to "keep you hanging on"
And if ya got us then its us hanging on to you... so feel da support
See ya in the chat NoMac... till soon

[MoMac]

Thanks so much for all you said Schmuel. I don't mind the questions, they're quite sensitive and thoughtful actually. I'll answer them at some time but I'm a little tired just now.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((( MoMac )))))))))))))))))

A long road, but you made it to this point and was blessed with your children. Know you are truly cared for here and in the room.

Warmie/Jeanie