Depressed Wife

[SadHusband]

My Wife and children just recently immigrated to my country to be with me. It was so wonderful for the first month but for the past week my wife has gone into a very depressed state. She mostly ignores me but on some occasions when we talk she says she hates it here and misses her family back home so much. She is at home with my 2 yr old son all day and I know that's a huge factor. She's also not used to the colder weather we have here. We're about to have my son spend days in day care and my wife is going to start work soon so she can become more independent. She does have some friends here but she doesn't feel comfortable with them yet. I'm trying to help the best I can by listening but I don't know what else I can do. It's so hard for us at this point as she will sometimes go the entire day without even talking to me. I feel as though I let her down.

[shatteredhopes]

Such a hard situation, to be dealing with culture shock, away from family, and home alone without much adult contact. But she moved here because she loves you and wants the family to be together. I can offer a few suggestions. Can you arrange for her to skype or call her family once a week? Email them or chat online so she feels that everyday sense of connection? Arrange a visit with all of you for a week at some point in the future?

Maybe you could also spend a day off from work, get a baby sitter, take her to a museum or special place where you live, out to a nice restaurant, go to a spa and get her nails done and a massage, things to help her get more connected to the new area she is living in and spending quality time with each other. Pamper her a little. Maybe you could also arrange a group activity with some of your friends and her friends to get to know people better and form bonds.

It might be a good idea to see if she would go for some counseling too. Is there a language barrier? What about taking a class at a local community college if she speaks the language or to learn english or whatever your native language is where you are.

I would think the main thing you can do is reassure her how much you love her and want to build your life together, and listen and acknowledge how big of an adjustment this is for her and find things to help her make that adjustment.

That's what I would suggest, for whatever its worth. I can't tell you how to feel, but I don't think you've let her down, I think its just natural in this situation she might feel depressed. Hopefully in time it will get better, but counseling and your support may help through this difficult time.

Hugs to you and your wife. There's also a chatroom connected to this site you and/or she may want to visit to connect with others who are depressed. There's also a section on this forum for those with family members who are depressed.

Wishing you light in your day.

[hollyann]

Hi. I really think what shatteredhopes said might help things start to look up. Definately keep encouraging her to talk to you, or maybe a professional so she adjusts easier, but don't neglect yourself while trying to take care of her. Often someone that is depressed is worried about bringing their spouse down, and tries to distance themselves from that happening when they really need to be around someone. Patience can help. It is a big adjustment, but keep letting her know you are there and care and try in little ways to keep letting her know you are there.

holly