why am I this way? :'(

[RobbyWithNoIE]

Hi, I'm Robby. I wish I wasn't.

I don't really know how to start this, but basically I feel like I'm a complete waste of flesh. I seem to be alienated by everyone. I don't know what makes me so different, but I feel like a monster. I try so hard to be normal and happy like everyone else, but it doesn't change anything. I have friends I guess, but most of them wouldn't be bothered if I wasn't there. Any close relationship I've had has been ruined by me. I feel worthless.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't be doing this. I'm just screaming out but no one will hear me.

[Obayan]

Hi. First off, you are not alone. We hear you and we are right here with you. The best way I know to describe it is this.... depression wraps around us like a fog. It only lets in what it needs to feed. That means all the bad stuff. It makes us feel useless, worthless and waste of good oxygen. But know this, it's a lie. It's what the depression is feeding us so it can grow stronger and us weaker. Please talk to a counselor. It will help if you let it. I went to CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) and it was the best thing I ever did. It showed me how what we think and the way we see things isn't always the way things are in reality. Please talk to a counselor.

[mtywilli]

Hi, you are definitely not alone in fact I have used that expression before and at this moment I too am not doing well and trying to use the CBT that I have learned but it is all a journey. I have some of the same thoughts and all I can say is there has to be more than this...I am spiritual so I have a belief that life is a lesson but most the time we get mired so deep in depression that we miss alot so try and keep your head in the game.

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Hi (((( RobbyWithNoIE )))), you most certainly are not alone in how you feel!
(((( Obayan )))) expressed how I feel at the moment most excellently. Or, as somebody said to me about depression: " Just because you feel it, doesn't mean that it's true. "
I'm still determined to think of myself as a " work in progress ", I'm moving in the right direction, however slowly and uncertainly at times.
As (((( Obayan )))), says perhaps you might think about talking to a counselor? Having a supportive, but external viewpoint of how you feel might well help you gain a new perspective on things. It worked that way for me.