In 1973 I got a tour of the place where, when someone needed help they called. This was before 911
Then in 1984 I got the chance of a life time. I was hired to help people who needed help. For the last 26 years I worked as a Fire Dispatcher/911. I have been retired for a year now.
Well the first ten years I work there (911) wasn't in service and we answered the phones without any information on the caller. So you know that every time you answer the phone, you know someone on the other end needs your help, and you have to do all that is possible to get the correct information from them.
First you need to know where the help is needed, and then send help. But before help arrives you talk to them on the phone and help them out with their problem. Such as assisting with giving birth to a child or putting pressure on a cut to stop bleeding, and giving instructions with CPR.
So here is my story.....
There was this one week back in '94 I took a phone call where a mother had a child that stop breathing. I gather her address and sent help. I then started giving her instructions on assisting the child to breath until the Ambulance could arrive. When EMS arrived they found the mother sitting on the floor not holding the child which was laying next to her, but the mother was going through the motions of giving CPR to thin air. The child died.
Two days later I answer another call from a mother who tells me her baby fell in the swimming pool, and wasn't breathing. Once again I gather the address and dispatched Police, Ambulance and a fire truck to help her. I then stayed on the phone to give her assistance with CPR to the child. When EMS arrived the mother was standing in the kitchen of her house doing CPR in thin air, as her child laid on the front lawn of the house. Everyone ran past it thinking the mother was holding the baby. and that was a doll on the front lawn. She died too.
Days later after going to both funerals, I thought of ending my life. OH and I tried. Pills 3 times.
Thinking my life is together I return back to the job I love and work for another 15 years. I retired knowing that I did the best I could do to help people who call and asked for my help.
Today I sit here and am so tired. Tired of seeing the faceless of the people I couldn't help. So many phone calls from people who were asking me to send them help, only that it was too late for them.
One phone call the man just up and died on me while I was on the phone with him. There talking one minute dead the next.
A woman screaming her house was on fire and she couldn't get out. She died while I could hear sirens in the background.
Before I fall asleep each night phone calls play over and over in my head. they don't stop.
What/where/who do I see that can help?
Tired of faceless names
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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Hello Paul, and welcome to our site. A good place to get support, will say that.
Paul, I do hope that when you are seeing all those faceless people, you will see all the ones you DID help. The ones that without your help, could or would have died. You bridged that gap for them, you gave them the chance to continue in life.
I see that you need to have hundreds of 'gold stars' mounted on your wall, a Wall of Fame in my book.
We, myself included, tend to forget those that help in a way that counts so much, a way to get proper help to others. Your job was/is as important as those that made those runs, for without your calm thinking and guidance they would have never been able to do their part in saving another.
I bow to you, all you have done and praise to all that do the job you have done.
Thank you Paul, for all the years, the compassion, the care you gave of yourself.
Warmsoul
Paul, I do hope that when you are seeing all those faceless people, you will see all the ones you DID help. The ones that without your help, could or would have died. You bridged that gap for them, you gave them the chance to continue in life.
I see that you need to have hundreds of 'gold stars' mounted on your wall, a Wall of Fame in my book.
We, myself included, tend to forget those that help in a way that counts so much, a way to get proper help to others. Your job was/is as important as those that made those runs, for without your calm thinking and guidance they would have never been able to do their part in saving another.
I bow to you, all you have done and praise to all that do the job you have done.
Thank you Paul, for all the years, the compassion, the care you gave of yourself.
Warmsoul
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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((((((((( paul )))))))))
Wish you could see it as 'for every good one' and smile knowing that you did well. Guessing you have more time to look back and ponder on things a little more now. You going through all you have surely will strengthen another that is doing the job you once did. Every thought about some kind of meetings for those people? Share the wisdom?
Bad memories do seem to linger on and on, true with me, but in time they fade, at least some. Now the good memories seem to grow stronger and stronger with time. I so hope this will be the same for you.
My words come from the heart and the thanks does as well.
Warmie
Wish you could see it as 'for every good one' and smile knowing that you did well. Guessing you have more time to look back and ponder on things a little more now. You going through all you have surely will strengthen another that is doing the job you once did. Every thought about some kind of meetings for those people? Share the wisdom?
Bad memories do seem to linger on and on, true with me, but in time they fade, at least some. Now the good memories seem to grow stronger and stronger with time. I so hope this will be the same for you.
My words come from the heart and the thanks does as well.
Warmie
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TackingIntoTheWind
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(((( paul123 )))), I DO SOOOO want to agree with what (((( Warmie )))) said!!!!
I speak as someone who has been on the " other end " of the line from people in your job, I've so often been the one needing help. I can't imagine what it's like to feel the pain of knowing of the people that you weren't able to help. The truth is, I've never done a job as important and courageous as yours. ( That's simply a fact, I shuffle papers for a living, it pays the bills, it's honest work, but..." meh "...) However, I hope you won't mind my suggesting that, just as I can't imagine the pain that you're feeling about the people you weren't able to help, perhaps you might never truly be able to feel the gratitude of the people who you DID help. Perhaps, doing the job that you did, co-ordinating so many calls for so many people, you are simply not in a position to really " get the whole picture " of how much of a difference tht you made in SO MANY people's lives. How many people's lives did you save, did you alter for the better, without ever having any way of knowing.
(((( Warmie )))), is SOOOO right when she says that you derserve praise for what you have done. People like you may not dash through the streets with sirens wailing, but without people like you the co-ordinators, the " back-office " organisers...so much good WOULD have done undone. ( And, I speak from personal experience, if I hadn't been able to speak to a lady on the other end of a 'phone line who was able to get me a VERY quick appontment with my doctor, when I SOOOO DESPERATELY needed a doctor, I don't know what might have happened to me.
Please listen to what (((( Warmie )))) says! Good luck to you, Sir. I hope you find your way to better times. ( God bless 911, or 999 in the UK. ! )
I speak as someone who has been on the " other end " of the line from people in your job, I've so often been the one needing help. I can't imagine what it's like to feel the pain of knowing of the people that you weren't able to help. The truth is, I've never done a job as important and courageous as yours. ( That's simply a fact, I shuffle papers for a living, it pays the bills, it's honest work, but..." meh "...) However, I hope you won't mind my suggesting that, just as I can't imagine the pain that you're feeling about the people you weren't able to help, perhaps you might never truly be able to feel the gratitude of the people who you DID help. Perhaps, doing the job that you did, co-ordinating so many calls for so many people, you are simply not in a position to really " get the whole picture " of how much of a difference tht you made in SO MANY people's lives. How many people's lives did you save, did you alter for the better, without ever having any way of knowing.
(((( Warmie )))), is SOOOO right when she says that you derserve praise for what you have done. People like you may not dash through the streets with sirens wailing, but without people like you the co-ordinators, the " back-office " organisers...so much good WOULD have done undone. ( And, I speak from personal experience, if I hadn't been able to speak to a lady on the other end of a 'phone line who was able to get me a VERY quick appontment with my doctor, when I SOOOO DESPERATELY needed a doctor, I don't know what might have happened to me.
Please listen to what (((( Warmie )))) says! Good luck to you, Sir. I hope you find your way to better times. ( God bless 911, or 999 in the UK. ! )
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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Thank you warmsoul and trackingintothewind for your kind words.
I am surely not looking for praise for the work I did. I worked there because I had a gift. I was able to think on my feet. Able to remember where the last EMT or Fire Truck was located to have them respond the fastest. We dispatched for 37 towns with 70 different fire depts and 38 ambulances.
I love what i did. Oh sure I took days off to have other fun, but my heart and soul was still at the job. I would go to work and know companies that had units out of service, and could muster and next response crew.
It was a love.
One must know in any type of work you never want to seem weak. And the Fire service is as macho as they come. I could never go back and talk about how I feel now. In '94 when I overdose in a attempt, I returned to work to find pill bottles laying around as a reminder that we are not weak.
One of the most embarrassing times for me, was a 88 year old woman call to tell me her 92 year old friend heart stop beating. So after dispatching EMS i stared CPR and together we save the woman. They brought both of us to give awards for bravery. That is my job. Like a person working at Burger King gives you your Hamburger, the way you ordered it. Nothing was special I did there.
I never messed up an address for a call. That would have been the end of me. Something that important even one house number off would put me over a edge. So you see how not know if I could have help makes a difference.
Today I see those few whose order got messed up. What did I do different.
I know that they might have waited a minute too long to call for help and it was my turn to answer that call, but still there is the doubt.
I am surely not looking for praise for the work I did. I worked there because I had a gift. I was able to think on my feet. Able to remember where the last EMT or Fire Truck was located to have them respond the fastest. We dispatched for 37 towns with 70 different fire depts and 38 ambulances.
I love what i did. Oh sure I took days off to have other fun, but my heart and soul was still at the job. I would go to work and know companies that had units out of service, and could muster and next response crew.
It was a love.
One must know in any type of work you never want to seem weak. And the Fire service is as macho as they come. I could never go back and talk about how I feel now. In '94 when I overdose in a attempt, I returned to work to find pill bottles laying around as a reminder that we are not weak.
One of the most embarrassing times for me, was a 88 year old woman call to tell me her 92 year old friend heart stop beating. So after dispatching EMS i stared CPR and together we save the woman. They brought both of us to give awards for bravery. That is my job. Like a person working at Burger King gives you your Hamburger, the way you ordered it. Nothing was special I did there.
I never messed up an address for a call. That would have been the end of me. Something that important even one house number off would put me over a edge. So you see how not know if I could have help makes a difference.
Today I see those few whose order got messed up. What did I do different.
I know that they might have waited a minute too long to call for help and it was my turn to answer that call, but still there is the doubt.
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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((((((( Paul )))))))))))
You can not blame yourself in any manner for the work that God has/had planned. I am a firm believer that when it is your time, it is 'your time', no stopping it or making changes.
For the thousands and thousands you helped, I am sure there are families that are and will be forever eternally grateful. You gave something special back to them, you got the ball rolling for the EMT's and doctors to do their chosen job. You have heard of the unsung hero? That would be you and the millions that have had or has that job. A voice on the other end of the line, but a firm connection to doing your best for a fellow man.
The "What IFs" are the thoughts that will never leave, for we as humans do doubt ourselves. So from someone looking in, me, believe me when I say you were there, carried it out, did the best you could and gave a family more time to grow and make memories. What a very special gift that is.
Warmie
You can not blame yourself in any manner for the work that God has/had planned. I am a firm believer that when it is your time, it is 'your time', no stopping it or making changes.
For the thousands and thousands you helped, I am sure there are families that are and will be forever eternally grateful. You gave something special back to them, you got the ball rolling for the EMT's and doctors to do their chosen job. You have heard of the unsung hero? That would be you and the millions that have had or has that job. A voice on the other end of the line, but a firm connection to doing your best for a fellow man.
The "What IFs" are the thoughts that will never leave, for we as humans do doubt ourselves. So from someone looking in, me, believe me when I say you were there, carried it out, did the best you could and gave a family more time to grow and make memories. What a very special gift that is.
Warmie
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shatteredhopes
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(((((((((warmie and tacking)))))))))) are so right, you did so much good, and I hope you take some comfort in that...
I am NOT a therapist or doctor, so I can't diagnose you, but speaking as someone who suffers from PTSD, have you talked to a mental health professional about these calls that play over and over in your head? Do you think its a flashback? Do you sometimes have nightmares about them? Sometimes PTSD is delayed onset and sometimes complex, from multiple traumas. Like police officers, health care workers, soldiers, etc., you were in a line of work that may have higher chances of developing PTSD it seems...
It can get better with help! Regardless of whether or not its PTSD, these sad sad calls are affecting you, and I hope you will seek out a mental health professional to talk to in addition to talking to people here. Many here and in the chat suffer from PTSD in varied degrees (as well as other mental health disorders) and hoping you find this site as supportive and caring as I have.
((((((((((Paul))))))))))) you really did save many many lives. I am not trying to mitigate the horror of what you heard on the other end of the phone and tragedies that you could not prevent...please please do try to find a mental health professional, perhaps one who specializes in PTSD?
Wishing you light and peace in your day.
I am NOT a therapist or doctor, so I can't diagnose you, but speaking as someone who suffers from PTSD, have you talked to a mental health professional about these calls that play over and over in your head? Do you think its a flashback? Do you sometimes have nightmares about them? Sometimes PTSD is delayed onset and sometimes complex, from multiple traumas. Like police officers, health care workers, soldiers, etc., you were in a line of work that may have higher chances of developing PTSD it seems...
It can get better with help! Regardless of whether or not its PTSD, these sad sad calls are affecting you, and I hope you will seek out a mental health professional to talk to in addition to talking to people here. Many here and in the chat suffer from PTSD in varied degrees (as well as other mental health disorders) and hoping you find this site as supportive and caring as I have.
((((((((((Paul))))))))))) you really did save many many lives. I am not trying to mitigate the horror of what you heard on the other end of the phone and tragedies that you could not prevent...please please do try to find a mental health professional, perhaps one who specializes in PTSD?
Wishing you light and peace in your day.
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
- Posts: 29195
- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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