wedding cancelled and fiance dumped me (triggering)

[sophia_90]

hi everyone. i am new here.

my fiance and i have been together for four years now. last year, he proposed to me and planned for our wedding day this coming june. in fact everything is set and prepared for our big day. i was so happy and excited as i know that i love him and i always wanted to be with him for the rest of my life and it is really a dream come true for me.

on the middle of january, i suffered from depression and some hormonal imbalance. i was very irritated. i always start a fight. i feel so alone and helpless. i asked for his patience and understanding and he said yes. i told him many mean words. i hurted him emotionally with all those i was saying. i asked for medical intervention. i was on med and IV to sedate me. it was the worst of my life.

when i was recovering, my fiance talked to me and said he cannot withstand my attitude. even his family cannot withstand what i was with those time. he said, it is better to cancel our wedding.

i beg and beg. i was literally begging for him. i was kneeling before him, telling him how much i love him and wanted me to give one more chance.

he never did. he said i am just a waste of time. i am the worst decision in his life and could never imagine his life being with me anymore.

one time, he even tear our wedding invitation in front of me.

i know what i did is very painful on his part. im regretting about everything. i was very very sorry to him.

up to this date, i continue texting here, going to his house, and begging him to accept me again. until now, he is telling me the same thing.

i am looking at my wedding gown right now. i feel that i wanted to wear it even in my coffin so that i could feel that i will still marrying him.

now, all my hope is gone and i really want to just rest.

i am so tired of begging yet i do not want to lose him..

[Monty]

sophia,

It is so sad to read the story on how things turned out between your fiancee and you.

I think that it would be disrespectful for anyone to say that they know how you feel.

What we can do is read your postings and have you lean on us when things are going poorly.

We are a very supportive family here, and we try to take care of each other.

Keep posting and let some of those things out of your heart that are burning and maybe we can help you heal.

[shatteredhopes]

I am so sorry to hear your story. I got dumped about 6 months ago, and although it still hurts, it DOES get easier with time. Your break-up was more recent so no wonder you are so crushed, and with a wedding planned...I too pictured spending the rest of my life with my ex, thought he was my soulmate, now I see no future for me at all, but am just trying to hold on through the moment, the hour, the day, one day at a time, a second at a time if I have to. That's the best advice I can give, just hang on for now...don't think too much about the future, just get through each moment as best you can. Are there things you can do to comfort yourself? Things you enjoy or can you spend time with friends?

It might be a good idea to put the wedding dress out of site for now, in a closet or somewhere where it isn't constantly taunting you and reminding you of your loss. I moved my ex's stuff away from where I spend my time, stuffed his pictures deep in a junk drawer, etc., so I don't have those reminders as there are plenty enough with seeing happy couples on t.v. and such...

While you may have sought treatment it may also be a good idea to take some anger management classes. Tell your former fiance you are willing to work on the issues, take some classes or get some counseling for anger issues, and if there is any hope of reconciling, maybe he will go with you for pre-marital counseling or couples counseling to work through the issues, practice fair fighting techniques, etc. I can tell you from my ex having said hurtful things to me, they still sting very much, and he is probably lashing out because he is still hurting. If he won't go to counseling with you, it would still be worthwhile to get some anger management counseling and learn better coping mechanisms because eventually, you may be in another relationship and it can even improve friendships and family relationships.

I have wanted to call, email, message, write my ex many, many times. But, the fact is, he doesn't love me anymore and he's moved on. So why crawl after him? Dignity isn't much comfort, but its better than crawling after him as he isn't coming back so it would just add more insult to my injury. If he isn't responding to your texts, I suggest you give him some space. Take some time to work on the issues that broke the two of you up, and then let him know what you are doing. If he still doesn't want to talk or even consider getting back together, I suggest you get the book "How to Fall Out of Love" by Dr. Debra Phillips (I think the name is) which you can get online or maybe at the library. Its not a quick fix, nor cure all, but it helps a lot and will help you cope and move on better I believe as some of the techniques have helped me a great deal. Time helps the most however, unfortunately, that just means going through the awful process of grieving your loss. Writing helps me too. People here listen and care so I encourage you to post here or write your feelings down as much as you need to get it out.

I am sure this feels like the end of the world, and few things hurt as much as loving someone who doesn't love you anymore and leaves you, but you will survive...and hopefully, eventually, thrive....

Just hang on, do the best you can to comfort yourself, work on you, and hope for the best. At least if he was going to leave, he did it before the wedding, as now you know he isn't there for "better or worse." I know that's not much comfort, but try to be brave and know that its better that it happens now then him walk years from now when you have three kids in tow and a mortgage...and go through a messy fight in divorce court. I was planning to sell my house and move across country to be with my ex, but I hesitated because he just didn't seem fully vested, and now I am glad I did. Since he dumped me, I would be homeless today if I had moved. So as much as it hurts, its better it happened as it did then if I had made that huge commitment and even married him or something...

Wishing you light and peace in your day, and again, I am so sorry for your loss.

[sophia_90]

monty,

thank you very much for for your support...

i am glad i have come across with this wonderful forum...

[sophia_90]

shatterhope

thank you very much for sharing your story with me and what you have been through for six months now.

you all right with what you said. i know it is very very difficult for now since the pain and suffering are still fresh in my heart and mind. but for sure, i will move on with this pain in my heart.

i will try to talk to him after sometime and suggest to him all the things you said to me. maybe counseling will help me or help us get through with a renewed relationship. but i know at this point in time, he does not want me anymore.

healing is really a process and i think it will take a little longer for me. but with the help of my family and friends, i can do it.

yup, i will take out the gown and other things that will remind me of him

thank you very much.

im glad i have found this site.

[mamasam]

Sophia,
I am certainly no expert, but i firmly believe that love is a gift, give it to someone who is worthy to recieve it. You sound like a very interesting woman who has alot to offer to the right man. Say this guy stays, what's to stop him from doing the same thing later should you get sick or have a problem ... Also i believe there is someone out there for everyone, your mr right maybe someone that you cannot see right now because your eyes are so clouded with this guy.. good luck sweetie

[aticounselling]

Sophia,
It's really very sad to read your post.It's good to be in love but more than that it's just impossible to go out from this situation .I can understand how you feel in this situation.Marriage is a big thing for a girl.It's preety obvious come through depression.I would suggest you to go for a Counselors.Counselors are very experienced people who have already met thousand of people suffering from same problem as yours. They know the stage of your present problem, what will it lead to if left untreated and what is the best immediate solution.

[CMX999]

I have wanted to call, email, message, write my ex many, many times. But, the fact is, he doesn't love me anymore and he's moved on. So why crawl after him? Dignity isn't much comfort, but its better than crawling after him as he isn't coming back so it would just add more insult to my injury. If he isn't responding to your texts, I suggest you give him some space. Take some time to work on the issues that broke the two of you up, and then let him know what you are doing. If he still doesn't want to talk or even consider getting back together, I suggest you get the book "How to Fall Out of Love" by Dr. Debra Phillips (I think the name is) which you can get online or maybe at the library. Its not a quick fix, nor cure all, but it helps a lot and will help you cope and move on better I believe as some of the techniques have helped me a great deal. Time helps the most however, unfortunately, that just means going through the awful process of grieving your loss. Writing helps me too. People here listen and care so I encourage you to post here or write your feelings down as much as you need to get it out.

I am sure this feels like the end of the world, and few things hurt as much as loving someone who doesn't love you anymore and leaves you, but you will survive...and hopefully, eventually, thrive....

My thoughts exactly!

Sophia, I am so sorry for your pain, but I too think it's good you saw this guy's true colors and are now not getting divorced. I wouldn't contact this guy again. He knows you want him back, he knows you're sorry & how you feel. Give him space, and if he wants you he will contact you. In the meantime, try to pick yourself up and move on on your own. Writing will defintely help. Good luck!