My story

[Shadz]

So to start, a little back story.

I am 29 and have 2 kids. One is almost 3 (placed for adoption), the second is 6 months old.

The 3 year old was placed for adoption when she was born without my knowledge. I didnt even know the girl had kept the baby until after she was born and placed for adoption. I was told that she had an abortion some months prior and that was it.

After I heard, I wanted to claim the baby and raise her myself but I wasnt sure If I was ready or if I could support myself and the baby. The more I was told about the adoptive parents, the more I was convinced that perhaps this was the best thing for her. She would be well taken care of miles beyond anything I could do. So I let the matter drop so to speak.

Me and the mother began talking and working out issues that lead to our break up and decided to give it a try. 2 years later we had another baby. Shortly after this (within a month or two) she began to go to her brothers house to hang out and would sometimes take our baby with her. Some of these times, she would return to the house drunk (having driven herself and the baby home). We argued and argued. She promised never to do it again. Yet she did. So we end up breaking up (I have the baby).

For the next month or so I start talking to old friends again and manage to fall for one of them. We were both in or shortly out of bad relationships and took solace in each other. Problem was she is married but was wanting a divorce. We soon after started dating and honestly had the best relationship ever. We would constantly be together everywhere. Her daughter absolutely loves mine. She is awesome with my daughter as well. We have gone out of town a few times and spent the night several times. Things were great. She told me that she loved me and I truly believe that I love her as well. She has stated multiple times that she would like nothing more for the 4 of us to be a family. She just needs to get her divorce and that will be that. Suddenly now though, she tells me that she needs space for herself because her husband is bothering her more and more. Her father is bothering her more and more and that she doesnt have time for herself. It was stressed that she was *NOT* breaking up with me.

Now.. we are barely talking maybe 2 texts a day. maybe 3 calls a week that last probably 5 mins if that. I havent seen her in 6 days. Im going out of my way to text her as little as possible to try to give her the space that she wants but Im worried that she is through with me and just doesnt want to rock the boat with our friends.(we have all the same friends). Ive tried multiple times to get her to meet me to talk but she keeps having things come up and wont meet me. I really dont want things to end like this. I do love her and Id love to have a family with her. I just cant understand how one day you can say these things and the next turn your back..

All of this, the previous relationship and this new one is tearing me apart. Ive lost about 40 pounds in 2 months simply from not eating much (I went from 270 to 230). I barely sleep because Im worrying about my "gf" and my "ex". I have my baby and that is a great thing but aside from her I cant shake the anxiety attacks that Im having and the episodes of depression that leave me shaking and crying so hard that I can barely breath. I have no one to talk to. No where to go. I need help.

[Obayan]

I hope you go and talk to a counselor. I think it will help you a lot. I hope you keep us up to date.

[Shadz]

I need to but I dont have any money and I dont have a job. I had to quit my job because the mother would never be home and I would have to call in. Or she would call me and tell me that she has to leave and that I need to watch the baby.