my story

[greatestgift]

I am not meaning to dwell on the whole anxiety/depression. They have switched my meds, and I know that I am not up to normal levels because the last 2 weeks I have been nothing but weepy and last night another panic attack.

So here it is. Last year I went in for a hysterectomy actually just a year ago, something major for a 31 year old. So sitting at home and recovering you have nothing but time on your hands. so then I thought alot and mostly about how I had to face my mortality. I have always been afraid of death but now facing it, it has really caused some problems.

I started with not sleeping, and then the figiting, and then the finding something to do with your brain to numb it. There were many sleepless nights. It was so bad that I could not say good night to my kids with out crying because I didn't know if I was going to wake up in the morning. so I finally went in and talked to the good old Dr. and out come the meds. And they were good. So life continued and then the weight started coming on. So they switched meds to wellbutrn and here I am at this point.

I have asked my husband to leave me because I dont think that it is fare that he should have to suffer with me again, and again, and again. He said no being the supportive person but I dont tell him what is going on in my brain. Because that would scare him completely.

Again its a bad day and the tears want to start flowin and sometimes they can be stopped and most of the time not. I want to bang my head against the wall to stop the thoughts, but even the larazapam is not working today. I tried to get in and see him today and even in the state that I am in they will not let me see him. I need an adjustment or something strong to kill the thoughts now.

I am pretty bad. right now.

[Obayan]

Do you have a counselor to speak to about this? I went thru a hysterectomy at age 25. So I know how you feel. Know also that it is temporary. And I understand the desire to alienate as well. You can get past this. It may take some time, but we are here for you in the mean time. We also have a great chat room here too if you want to try it out.

[greatestgift]

I do have a counciler but it is not intence and slow going, I tried the chat room and because I have a phobia about death I have been asked not to talk about it. So much for a wonderful website

[crystalgaze]

You were probably asked not to talk about it because it probably triggered someone else. The chat is different from the forum, in that with the forum, there are things you can chose not to see/look at, if you don't feel up to it. The chat is instant, so everything pops up on the screen. I don't know if technology exists where you can filter what you see on the screen as it is written.

It most likely was not personal or mean-spirited. Chin up now....