I keep asking myself

[ahelmic6]

I'm borrowing some song lyrics, but "I'm still so young, how did I get so sad?"

But I find myself asking this question a lot lately. I used to think everything was alright, I mean I had friends, I was going to college, and my family was fairly supportive. This might get kind of lengthy...but writing everything out is good for the soul, right?

I think it all started my senior year of high school. All through high school I had decided that I wanted to go to college for art. I used to love drawing, but over time, I've been doing it less and less.

Senior year of high school, I needed to put together a portfolio, as part of the application process. I took two classes with this art teacher to help prepare. But she never helped. I ended up doing it alone, but I still needed a recommendation letter. She kept losing it, or forgetting about it. I asked another teacher to write one, but by then it was too late. I ended up giving up, and changing my major.

I haven't had much luck with relationships. The first boyfriend I had turned into a stalker, and the second was long distance. It didn't work out. I've basically been single for a year, although I've actively been trying to get into a relationship for half a year. That's when things started to get worse. It seems like every guy I come across is only interested in sex. There was one exception, but I ruined that after I realized I had fallen for a friend.

I've gone to my friend twice now, and have mentioned my feelings for him. But the only answer I get in return is an 'I don't know'. However, he's mentioned at least three girl's he'd like to be in a relationship with. The problem is, we've been sleeping together for a while now....he started it, and I can't seem to figure out how to end it.

The other problems I've been having involve friends and family. Lately I've been feeling like I don't have any friends. I feel so alone most of the time...I end up crying.

The closest friend I have is a guy from my childhood. But anytime he gets a girlfriend, he ditches me. I never get to see him, or any of my other friends. They either never respond to my messages, or are too busy / unavailable. For my birthday I tried to get a group together. It didn't work. The friend I fell for was the only one that showed up and spent time with me on my birthday. Another friend had lunch with me a few days after that. But none of my childhood friends did anything with me.

My family...my parents aren't together. My mom doesn't help me at all. She doesn't like any of my friends, and is so critical of anyone I try to date. And she's only like this to me. My dad is an alcoholic, I don't know where he lives, and I haven't been able to reach him for a month. His coworker told him I wanted to talk to him a few days ago, but he hasn't called.

Most days I'm stuck at home since I don't have a car. I have a job, at least I think I do. I'm employed at Jimmy John's, but I haven't worked for almost a month now, and they won't call me back.

I'm at the point where I just don't know what to do. The past month has been the worst. I've spent so much time crying.... I feel friendless and it seems like I'll always be alone. There have been thoughts of suicide, but I know better than to act on them.

[keluca]

(((hugs)))

Depression for some reason makes us push everyone away and then the loneliness kicks in and we feel worse and when we do have a friend we are scared to say too much in case they walk too.

I think if you want to call it ends with the guy you need to be firm and say it straight and also stick to your word and not go back on it.

Do you know what the tears are for?

The GP could help with the feelings and thoughts, do you feel able to go and have a chat?

[ahelmic6]

I've been trying to break away from it. I think part of me is just afraid he'd stop coming around to spend time with me. It's been a week since I've even seen him.

The tears...its a mixture of things - not knowing if I still have a job, and being stuck alone at home. All of the friends I try to talk to give me short answers and after a while just stop responding.

I just don't have anyone to spend any time with. And it's started to get to me I guess. Everyone else I know is either out with friends, or spending time with their significant other.

None of this used to bother me...I just don't know what happened

What's the GP? I saw someone else mention it, but I don't know what it is.

[Obayan]

For me, the first step was seeking help which you have done by coming here. And that is a huge step. Second would be to speak to a counselor. There are lots of tools out there we can use to help us get where we want to go. And counseling is one of them. As for the sex guy, say no and keep saying no until he stops asking. You have a life. I hope you find the path towards starting to live it again.