Please, someone read and understand

[thisnamestaken]

I will be brief and frank.
I am a 17-year old Mormon who plans to go on a mission for my church very soon. I was and still am excited for this wonderful opportunity. But recent developments have left me inconsolable.
I met a girl at my high school (she is very beautiful) and after we accidentally expressed to each other that we were very much in love with one other, we began to date. Now, if you know a lot about members of the LDS faith, you may know that boys are not allowed by the church to steady date before their mission - girlfriends are too much of a distraction from serving the Lord for two years. And so I didn't steady date her. We have only been out twice, but both times I have been inappropriate in my dealings with her. The first date was not a true double-date (and Mormons are point-blank not allowed to single-date, or pair up alone, before the boy is back from his mission) because my double-buddy's date had to cancel at the last second and so instead it was just me, two guys, and a very irresistible girl. I was torn, but I chose to still act as if it were a true date - something that I know was wrong. Furthermore, I took her to the prom on our last date, and while riding with our double-date buddies in the car (we were seated in the back, they in the front) I became too cavalier in my actions. Because I kissed her and (I will be frank, please do not report this as I do need help) touched and handled her inappropriately, I believe that I now am suffering from PTSD - or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It did not set in until days later exactly what I did, but now I cannot forgive myself, nor do I want to. She is the sweetest girl I know, and I would not easily forgive another boy who would do that to her. She says that she has forgiven me, but it does not help the shame and utter guilt that I feel. At this rate, I will never return to how I used to be. I still love her so much, but I do not beleve that I am at ALL worthy of her. Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but I cannot forgive myself for this. I had no excuse in the world. And since this matter is now confidential between me and my bishop, I have not a soul in the world to talk to about his - other than her. To her eternal credit, she is still willing to talk to me. But I am so insecure that I can tell her poor patience is wearing thin. I am so sorry - to EVERYONE. Even you, reader... I feel that I have hurt you by relating this depraved act of mine to you and that you are now somehow sadder than when you started reading. If that is the case, then I am so, so, so sorry. Words cannot describe the pain I feel for her and for you, reader. I am so sorry that I even have to take your time to read something this base. I literally feel that I cannot apologize enough. But it will never make me feel better. I need help, but how can I look someone - even some counselor with a degree - in the eye and tell them that I violated virtues of chastity in a pure young woman? I cannot. I desperately need your help, WHOEVER you are. Please... Help me.

[Jeanne]

Hi there, You have asked forgiveness from your bishop and your lady friend, but have you asked God for forgiveness? Our God is full of mercy and compassion. But, my guess is that you would not accept God's forgiveness either. You are too busy beating yourself up and that is from Satan. By not accepting God's forgiveness and mercy, you are listening to Satan. You must ask God to forgive you, which I am sure He already has, and then dismiss from your mind all of the voices and feelings of doubt and condemnation every time they enter your head. In Christ we are all a new creation. You can prove that by treating your lady friend with the utmost respect from here on end. Are you ready to accept it?
Peace,
Jeanne

[Jeanne]

I am sorry if my post sounded harsh. I do believe that it is true and I hope and pray that you will take God up on His word that He is forgiving, compassionate, and merciful. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow." Isaiah 1:18

Peace,

Jeanne

[Peep212]

friend,i too am LdS, or at least a jack-mormon, and i hope i can give you some insight and help. you already have confessed to us your dealings, and to an extent that wil help you on you way. for what comfort this can give you, i forgive you of this. you have taken the first step. now i have to wonder if you have told the girl how you feel about taking frisky liberties with her, and have truly asked her forgiveness. you know that as an LDS member, you need to report to the bishopany sin that is of a sexual naure. yes, i do understand tha you will immediately lose your reccomend, and your mission my be delayed by a year or, worse case, you can be denied your mission request. but, if you attempt to go on your mission without confessing this to your bishop, and you take sacrament, and go to the temple, you will have serious repercussions from this. further, any work you do before you talk to the bishop about this and have it taken care of will be made as if nothing happened at all, something you will have to bear on your shoulders here on earth and at the judgement bar. you have taken the first step here. now, go and do as your heart tells you. CTR, brother.