It's Fantasy

[Entitled]

You know, it's fantasy when you hear that something comes at the last second to save you. That at some final moment, you have a realization; a turning point; a second chance; an opportunity; a reason; a way. Because the only reason you have been holding one this far is because of that thing just about to show up, that coming thing that’s going to change it all and make everything worthwhile. You hold on and press onward because you know this thing is coming. But when it’s not coming how do you know? You can go on forever until you die waiting to walk into the magical passage-way towards glory; to stand beneath that perfect beam of light that will reveal your beauty; to come upon the key of assortment that's going to enable your words to be felt and understood by the world. The stories always put it that way, but it’s so because it doesn’t happen as so, otherwise it wouldn’t be written. What really happens is, you wait and you lose. You hold on and you are taken nowhere. Things never change out of their own will; circumstances won't clear a path for you any more that boulders will make way to you. it’s just the way it is, the way it has been, the way it was meant to be. And you’re fed lies about change coming out of its own force to turn things around. You’re told everyone has it the same, everyone suffers and they are all brought out of the same hole. And so you are prolonged, you are stuck, lied to, cheated. You continue chasing fantasy and you miss your chance. You’re forced to watch the pretty smiles of the rest while you’re teeth fall, you watch them breathe as you cough, run as you sprain, jump as you fall. Nothing special is coming, nothing is going to change, and nothing is going to happen, nothing. I have had so many chances to really change things, change everything forever, but I never took them. I never take them. I've hoped for some spectacular and supernatural blunder to pull me out and set me on my course, place me in my adventure. But I never moved with my own feet. I never searched, I never sought true change. I wanted a miracle, or at least an excuse to stay still. And all of it for fear. Fear of the beyond; fear of leaving punishment to be punished for it. I guess I've had enough. It's time I take control of my world and exercise my abilities. No more excuses, no more pointing fingers, and no more sitting around waiting to be swept away. It's time to build roads,take steps,speak bravely, assume beauty, and abandon fantasy.

[shatteredhopes]

Your words so resonated with me. I too for a long time expected some "miracle" to turn things around, some lucky break, and busted my rear trying to climb out of the hole and turn things around...only to have everything explode in my face and my life become progressively worse, facing ever more injustice and insult added to injuries. Everytime I try, I get hurt more it seems...I too have that fear of leaving punishment only to be punished worse...for over a year at one point, I heard voices, and some of the eternities they threatened me with and showed me visions of still give me nightmares today.

There is no miracle for most, just slow steady effort and maybe it will work out okay, but what do you do when all your efforts cause even more pain? Give up. Stop trying. Exist without truly living...just try as best you can to cope with the overwhelming pain.

Thanks for writing this post. Truly insightful and I hear you!

[shatteredhopes]

I wish you would post again new friend for you seem to have captured so well what is now my worldview and have spoken directly to my soul. Please keep posting.

[mamasam]

I know exactly how you feel (((Entitled))), the world has a cruel way of spitting people like us out! I cannot count the oppertunities i have passed up for the sake of waiting for a "change" in my life! ...I am now forcing myself to stop with the "what if's" and the "just a little longer's". I have to learn to turn my back on the dead end path and choose another path, one that is meant for me... one that is not going to lead to empty promises and shattered dreams, i hope you will force yourself to do the same...if not we are the loosers and by our own hands...no one elses... The world does not stop turning because our lives are falling apart...keep turning with it...

[crystalgaze]

Indeed... It can be fantasy... Now that you see it.... you can mold your reality... (at least I believe you can)

Stop chasing it. Stand still... Walk & start trying to get whatever it is under control by planning, organizing it & executing what you think will work....

Not perfect? That's okay.... There is time to improve....

Defeatism is part of the same fantasy.... You weren't brought on the planet to be defeated.... & even if you were.... it is then an I WILL NOT HAVE BEEN BROUGHT ON THIS EARTH TO BE DEFEATED.

Indeed there are moments when we feel down, etc.... feel like giving up.... but if we do, things will not change ever.

I hope you will continue to post & look around the forum....!

Let us all do our best.... !!!