Want out of this trap

[Jubee]

I was diagnosed with depression back in 1999 after wondering what was wrong with me. Doctors could not find any physical things wrong with me, so decided to give me a "depression test", I was found to have moderate to high depression. At least it cleared up alot of things after my eyes were opened. I am 44 now, and know now that I have dealt with depression all my life. I remember watching the 3-stooges as a young child and my mother commented "that is supposed to be funny, but your not laughing". I didn't take heart to the comment then, but in 99 when I was diagnosed with depression I realized that statement to be true. Funny thing is - I was always the life of the party, the person people want to be around when we are out on the town. I'm always the most fun person and get along with everyone, even enemies. Gosh, so much to say - so it seems odd that I should be the one with depression when I make everyone else feel at ease and make them laugh. I sometimes wonder about comediens now, lol.
Anyway, I am so tired of this trap - I didn't take the paxil the doctor prescribed because I didn't want to think "I was crazy", but when my depression deepened about 5 years later I went back and was prescribed Prozac. Now I am worried because I tried going off Prozac cold-turkey last summer and it was scary - I got real depressed, even suicidal and was shaking alot, and not sleeping - so I just went back on it. I was wondering if anyone else has tried to get off prozac and what the side-effects were. I don't want to be on it anymore and want to be "cured" of this depression for once and for all. Any suggestions out there?
Jubee

[shatteredhopes]

From what I understand, when we are on many of the psychiatric medications, our bodies/brains start to rely on the medicine to produce chemicals in the brain and that natural processes can slow or stop, in such a way that coming off medication can be a big adjustment before our bodies/brains start to produce those chemicals again...not a medical explanation as I am not a doctor, but know this from personal experience and from what I've been told.

What is the harm of being on medicine if it helps you? If it has bad side effects or doesn't help, there are others on the market...but I can understand you don't want to take medicine, but if it helps...why not stay on it a while? Meanwhile, have you pursued therapy or other means of dealing with depression so when and if you do go off medicine, you will have alternatives for dealing with the problem? If it has been essentially a lifelong problem, it is unlikely to go away with something to treat it, even something outside of the mental health arena, like finding something you are passionate about to pursue, or faith based support, or whatever you may find helpful...

Anyway, welcome to the forums! I find it helpful to talk about things with others who understand what depression is like, and to know others care. I hope you will too.

Wishing you light and peace in your day...

[Jubee]

Thank you for caring enough to send a post. What you said made alot of sense. It has definitely helped, alot. Maybe I should just consider staying on it then permanently. I guess I've been struggling with thinking I'm a "pill popper", and how sinful that is.
I was a "churchy" for over a decade and they gave me alot of wrong ideas that I am still working out, even after leaving the church over 10 years ago. They can really do a job on a low self-esteem, depressed person. At least I realize it though, it brings me to healing. Funny how long some wounds take to heal.
Anyway, I will take your advice and not worry so much about being a "pill popper", so what if I am? It IS helping and has helped for years, so why not just keep it up?
THANK YOU for understanding, it helps just to talk about these things.
I am very happy I found this website and you good people.
I will be on here alot spilling my problems on you all, so watch out! lol.
Jubee

[crystalgaze]

((((((((Jubee))))))))))

Cold turkey is not the way to go. If you will come off meds, it must be done gradually.... It's something sort of like if you take 2 pills, try taking only 1 or 1.5.... That can be done for a week or 2 or whatever & then you keep reducing the dosage.

Of course, it is best to do that with a doctor.

I am glad medicine has worked for you; I was not so fortunate, so I am managing mine on my own. It's good you've made a decision about it!

[TackingIntoTheWind]

I would tend to agree with (((( crystalgaze and shatteredhopes )))). As long as you're taking your pills under a doctor's supervision and they are helping you, you might well be better off taking them for a while. I do understand how you feel, I don't like being a " pill-popper " myself, but, for the time being I'm being guided by my doctor and taking the pills. However, the consensus of all the the medical advice I have received ( in the UK ) has agreed that coming off antidepressants or sleeping pills should only be done gradually and only under the supervision of a doctor.
Although, if you want to speak to a doctor about coming off medication, or if you are having trouble with any specific medication, you should feel free to talk to a doctor about this. Afterall, YOU are the patient!
I was lucky to have very good medical advice. When I was first prescribed Prozac, my doctor discussed with me the effects, possible side-effects, and also explained that I would only be taken Prozac for nine months and then it would be reviewed. So, I didn't feel worried about being a " pill-popper " forever!
I would certainly advise you to speak to a doctor about your feelings about pills, rather than go " cold turkey ".