Can't breath, can't think straight, lost in translation

[rosie0623]

There's a weight a sense of pressure barreling towards me and all I can do is run. Its as if its a giant boulder chasing me through an enclosed maze. Its a straight path that leads to many twist and turns and my heart is heavy as my chest is constricted and its difficult to breath and the sense of dread and no escape is overwhelming. Everyday I feel like this. Sometimes my day's start off fine, and then out of the blue it hits me and I start crying, and once I start I can't stop. I was at the gym with my sister, and I was on the tread mill. I'm watching the t.v. and listening to my music and all of a sudden the tears start streaming down my face. I can't seem to stop crying and all I want to do is run harder and run faster, and never stop. I finally ran myself to the point of exhaustion, and yet the tears still came. Today Im watching my toddler brothers and sisters and my nephew. They range from 3 to 2 years old. Thats 5 toddlers and I'm all by myself. The day starts off pretty good, I did alittle cleaning watched the kids etc I put them down for a nap and all of a sudden it hits me. Im having a huge panick attack I can't breath my heart is racing and I'm trying to pull it together because the kids are crying anf they need me and before I know it Im losing my temper and I'm yelling at them for everything and anything. It was as if i expected them to behave like adults and to know what was going on. Just when I think im gonna sit down and cry my dad and my sister come home and instead of offering to help with the kids they disappear and do there own thing while Im down stairs freaking out. The kids are running in circles and crying and getting hurt and I just can't seem to deal with it. Its as if Im going through the motions, kissing boo boo's changeing diappers making dinner. Im there physically but I feel as if Im watching someone else. I dont know what to do. I hate this feeling. i hate losing m y temper and crying all the time. I can't sleep at night and when I do finally fall asleep its only for a couple of hours before I have to get ready for a class and to get the kids and then I never want to wake up. Everyone looks at me like I have 3 heads and i just can't explain it to them. I feel as if the weight of the world is closing in on me and all I want to do is die. I'm trying to find help but I dont know where to go or what to do.

[shatteredhopes]

Sounds like you are also overstressed. First, I suggest you talk to a counselor, social worker, or teacher at school about what is going on so they can direct you to some help. There are things you can do when having a panic attack, medicines that can help, etc. Try breathing in through your nose deeply imagining you are breathing in peace, hold breath for count of three, breathe out through mouth "stress, anxiety..." or whatever you need to let out and imagine it leaving your body...repeat this several times until you can calm a bit...some have suggested putting your head between your legs for a bit and letting the blood rush to the head or breathing in a paper bag for a bit but I don't know how well these work...But definitely seek help at school from whomever you feel comfortable talking to so you can get some professional help...medicines can help with anxiety, depression, panic, but a doctor will know what is best for you and counseling/therapy can be very helpful for some...

Also, why are you shouldering all the burden for the toddlers? Sit your family down and tell them you need help; if you don't feel comfortable doing this, talk to the counselor at school about it and maybe they can help you approach your family...school and taking care of little ones can be very stressful, so please demand some help from other family members so you can relax a bit...

I find long hot baths very relaxing...a warm cup of cocoa...sometimes reading or drawing...listening to soothing music...figure out the little things you enjoy that can help you relax and release some stress in addition to the exercise. Prevention helps a lot, doing things for yourself before you get stressed and taking a break from everything...

Wishing you light and peace in your day, and welcome to the forums!

[rosie0623]

Thank you for your help. I have tried talking to my family but my mom works 60 hours a week my dad works when he can we try to juggle me going to college and whos workingg when and who has to do what and about 90 percent of the time im home. I took a nice long hot shower and just stayed in my room n made them take care of the kids for awhile, so I could breath and put my head back on and paste on a smile to put the kids in bed. Its just so hard trying to go through the day pretending im happy when I am clearly not. I am going to go to my doctors tomorrow after my final class and see what options are available to me. I can't live like this any more, its putting such a strain on me and everyone else. Again thank you