my life as a 13 year old in a dark world

[AndreaCoe]

I am 13 years old living life as hell. Day to day i go to school like its work. Day to day i get yelled at my my step dad. well it all started when i was 5, my dad and mom split up and my mom pretty much dumped me and my brother on my dad because she was dating a man who didnt like kids, then when she got us back after opening her eyes a week later. years later she met a man named kevin. quickly they got together and quickly we moved in with him. well i gave him every chance in liking him i could because me life is based on giving everyone a chance. well as time flew by i soon found out a year later my grandpa had died, and i know your saying ow woe is her her grandpa died no big deal well let me tell you sumthing he was the best dad i ever had. because even the time i lived with my dad it was only for a week and he was never there. well anyways i soon drifted off to another father like figure, when i was in middleschool my 6th grade year my uncle was my dad like figure, and guess what i founf out on christmas? he died going to michigan. crying alone in my room in the dark everynight. one time kevin slapped me... i told my mom he did this and he lied and said he grabbed my face. she beleived him and that was the end of that. know there married and everynight after he yells at me i cry thinking of what it would be like to live with my dad. yes he is a drunk a smoker and has to other kids with my step mom but beleive me she is way better than kevin. i tell my mom everyday i have even begged her not to marry him. for more than 11 years he has destroyed everything i once cherished. he yells at me and im sensitive and cry easily. somtimes i wonder if i move to my dads will he die? seems like ever dad i run to they die. i just want some one to care, i spend dark nights crying needing someone to help me wanting to die always but never can find it in me, please care please?!? well thats my story

[dandelion]

(((((((((((((((( Andrea )))))))))))))))))))))

I am truly sorry to hear what you had gone through now at your early age *hugs*. Dont be hard on yourself, everything that happens is not your fault, learn to forgive yourself. Maybe trying to live with your dad might be a great idea, reading what you wrote give me the impression that the house that you are living now is not good for you physically and emotionally. Also, try to explain to your mom about your feeling, what you done through everyday, how much you struggle to keep a positive mind, she might realised that and support you. At times hope, faith and positiveness is all that we have to continue to survive. All love for you Andrea

Hugs
dandelion

[shatteredhopes]

I am so sorry to hear of your very difficult situation. So much tragedy already in life, its no wonder you fear bad things...I was abused when I was young and started thinking everything was my fault and blamed myself. It sounds like your abusive step father is making you feel that way too, thinking that if you go live with your dad he will die. Living with your dad might be a good idea.

Meanwhile, is there a school counselor or social worker at your school you can talk to or a minister if a private school? Absolutely post on this site, we care and you have instant friends here...but I would encourage you strongly to seek out a trusted adult you can confide in who might be able to help you with your situation and help you cope a bit.

*hug* Thinking of you and wishing you light and peace in your day...