the waiting room,g/night

[xn728]

i remember each time i see the phycirtrist ,i sit in his waiting room with the others ,
people i dont know but see every three mounths ,these chatting smiling people ,talking about
going shopping and having a drink ,one by one i watch them go in ,when there names are called
in they go ,but hang on ,there not smiling or looking happy when they head for that door ,
they look sullen and cold ,am i missing something ,if this is there pain then yeghhh i will
have some of that ,how can they sit laughing and joking and then change just like flicking a switch
i have no laughs or smiles ,and if i did i would wear it with conviction what are they gaining here
now and then i see these people out in the town and they are with freinds shopping and stuff
but they do look happy ,i know how to fake it and it seems real to me ,what is there gain ,i dont know
but it was something i observed agaian today ,im puzzeled ,anyway ,its been a hard day today ,many freinds are
in pain ,i wish i could help more ,its so frustrating ,i wish i could scream very loud indeed
sometimes i wish the visitor would ,take me so far down ,and numb my brain forever ,the darkness i fear so
much comes soon ,but the darkness of our room ,will cover me ,and i can lay and talk to my self awhile
my music bores me just now ,seems like everything slips away ,then sleep will bring the foul profanitys that will
tear my mind apart and i will wish to take my last breath ,i will look at the house burn and hear my mothers screams
see the look of hate in the eyes of the villigers ,i will hear the threats ,and feel the pain of that brutal
beating ,and hear the queitly spoken threat of death ,that would make me flee in fear of my life .i will lay curled
up like a child dreading seeing the light of the coming morning ,in your posts everyone you always say how can
i carry on ,we,ll i love my family ,but i dont like this world ,even if i was not ill ,its not a place worth
living in ,man is destroying the world ,and only the arrogent ,bad people rule and prosper ,if i had a chioce
i would lay with my music ,and calmly and silently drift away and become just an echoe ,would i find peice
i dont know ,but theres nothing for me in this world ,so i would throw that dice ,but here i must stay to
give my fran ,all the comforts in life i can afford ,,,bless you all my dear freinds ,,,,goodnight my freinds ,welcome back onika ,warmie girl night
,,,,,,,,,ken

[Mich]

Good night Ken. I wish you peace tonight.

[shatteredhopes]

Didn't see you post today, my brother, my friend...hope you are okay and have a peaceful night's sleep, holding your beloved Fran.

[xn728]

s/hopes, mich,thankyou for thinking of me ,im lost ,ken is lost and just floating around with no purpose ,xn728 is stuck in a pit with the visitor and it destroys his words ,i cant be bothered to help him any more ,i feel so ill from the extra litium ,im not going to take anymore, its the dissapointment more than the tablets ,my life is in the hands of fools ,why should i care about it if they dont ,i think of my freinds while im away
and there pain to ,,,,,,,,thankyou my freind ,you called me brother ,
oh how that has touched me , ken

[Mich]

Ken - I'm sorry you are feeling lost today but I am glad you have found your way to the forum today. We are here and will support you. Do you have anything planned for today that might ease your suffering a bit?