Nothing to mind is extly what I mind

[MindHalfFull]

People who have had moderate interactions with me often say I'm communicating fine, nothing to bother about. My mother rescued me, gave life to me twice. It started with a road trip where I pointed to a tree, to say something. She responds saying it is not a tree, it's a bush. This event defines my greatest trauma.

I describe that to others sometimes, but I'm often seen as perfectly fine. Growing up, ironically, living with my father who had majored in psychology, but couldn't bare having another go through the psychologist routine, so he quit everything that led up to success. Fear is quite demotivating I guess... I'm valuable, a good person, humbled and forgiving, I'm tired of having to assume I'm saying something wrong so I can correct my mistakes.

There have been many times I would just let myself go be optimistic, grow, become myself and almost all of them created situations where I'll talk then take in the blank faces as I emotionally implode and daydream about taking my life. I often have this modified phrase on my mind, "to speak or not to speak". Through the years many have been enthusiastic to help me, started with my teacher in 6th grade. During lunch hour, she had me stay in the room as she was trying to explain Robert Frost - the road less taken. Oh, she had been the most, self-sacrificing, devoted person who truly cared. Not long before the end of lunch hour, she showed a face of disappointment, she silently communicated her heartwarming intentions failed, not worth investing in.

So, as I share this, I'm sure readers will not see a problem with my writing/communication abilities. It's this, you are only as strong as your weakest link...I mean to refer to my weakest link. There will be a day it will break, a life it will take.