Message to Apoorve

[T_new]

Dear Apoorve,

I don’t know if you check these forums, but I am hopeful that this message gets to you.

Apoorve, I have lied to you. Many, many times.

We met through the chatroom on this site, and spoke regularly for upwards of a year; much of what I said to you during that time was not true. Or at least, not true at the time I spoke about them to you.

You said once that I was ‘full of stories’. These stories were true, but they were not happening in the current moment. I created a persona based on half-previous and half-current information about me - my job, my life, my situation.

I lied about my job (it was a previous job I held); I didn’t tell you about my significant other; and I spoke to you every day under a false pretense.

You were so hesitant to ever call me ‘friend’, because you know people are liars. People always leave, you said. The truth always comes out, you said. And you were right. I did leave. I did lie to you. The truth did come out. But the affection I had for you and your meaning to me was not fake.

Apoorve, we took solace in each other. Both lonely people, we spent time together because we didn’t have people in our lives to lean on. I took advantage of that, I took advantage of you, and I am so sorry. I think all you ever tried to do was help me, and I did not reciprocate. In fact I lied to you before we stopped talking - the most ugly lie I think I could tell.

My mother is not dead. I was getting married and I cut off our relationship with that lie as an excuse. It was the most ugly thing I’ve ever done, especially after our relationship grew as it did over the course of that year. It was a scapegoat reason I made up, to feed the persona I created and gain pity from you. It was self-serving and ugly.

I am truly sorry for lying. You were worried about me, and I fed into that further with this lie. I do not deserve your love.

Apoorve, I hope you are well. I wish you health and happiness; and I wish I could take back my actions, because you don’t deserve the way I treated you. I hope this message expresses my deepest regret, because you deserve better.

With Affection,
T