i heard the rain and i felt happy

[xn728]

i woke as usaal at 5am ish and felt the visitor tighten its grip so as not to let me rush out and escape ,as i lay trying to acess my feelings and putting on my mental arsnel to help me trough the day ,i heard a gentle niose ,something tapping on the window ,i felt a little rush of happiness ,i didnt have to look out ,it was raining ,and i love the rain ,it cleans the streets and the buildings .it feeds the trees and the grass and flowers. i got dressed and went out into the garden ,it was time to exercise the ferrets ,so they were with me to they rolled in the wet grass and did the dance ferrits only do when there happy i watched the rain drops in the bird bath they were fresh and clean ,they had fallen so far ,how many souls had they touched on the way down ,the memories and the thoughts of loved and lost witch fill the air all around us the rain slowly stopped but im not sad ,the water in the bird bath is still now but the starlings and blackbirds will bathe later and they soak up the love and memories and when the birds return to the air ,so will the memories of all those loved and lost ,man or beast ,and you can reach out pick one anytime you feel helpless and alone .the rain has gone now but i know it will return and i be feel happy again just for a short while ,it was a gift .i love the rain

[Mich]

I am glad you were able to enjoy those moments in the rain. You described it so beautifully that I believe I will enjoy it next time it rains here.

[xn728]

thankyou i hope you feel ,we,ll a little bit better today ,ive read your posts and i know how it is ,i call my depprestion the visitor ,and it is always at my side ,here now as i write this ,just a dark figure ,it never gestures or speaks,just ever present and silent ,since i was seven .sometimes i look into the darkness that is its face ,but all i can see is myself so young looking back with fear in my eyes ,ive learnt to live with this ,when it gets bad i let it take me ,without a fight ,because i know i will have better days .i hope you find the posts around here helpful ,we all deal with our visitors in differant ways ,my way may seem strange ,the way i describe my life ,and the visitor ,and its demons ,the constant horror movies of my life ,it plays to me when i close my eyes ,i have no freinds in the real world,so for me to be able to open up in here is a great thing for me .im sure with time and looking around here you will learn to cope with it in a differant way ,theres lots of great people in here and you can open up and we will understand ,glad to see you posting again ,reach out and we will catch your fall xn728,,,,,,Ken