So here I am all sad, lonely, and very depressed.
Graduated college 4 years ago. Went to work at a shitty job I hated because I needed to support myself and couldn't find anything respectable.
Spent 2 years trying to get into a decent PhD program in my field, finally got into one and got funded.
Girlfriend of 4 years at the time flipped because it was in another state. So I um caved in and moved near her with no real plan in life. Worst mistake of my life.
Started looking for a job in the area, no luck. Got a temp job that was supposed to last 6 months, it lasted 3 weeks. Tried to find other work, no luck, no legitimate offers.
Girlfriend dumps me because I got off my path...which I got off of to preserve our relationship. She says she wants to be a mormon and that being with me and being a mormon is exclusive (obviosuly a lie). I think she just lost interest because I was off my path, I couldn't find a job, I was depressed, and my weight was too high. We've gotten back together and split up 3xs since then, its clearly over - and on an intlelectual level I knows thats for the best - but I can't let go.
Weight won't come under control. 6 months of 5-6x's per week of working out, cutting calories in half, and I'm down from 315 to 298. Wohoo.
The only real thing I enjoyed was World of Warcraft and my friends in the game. I gave that up after my gf and I broke up 6 months ago...I needed to fix other areas of my life before I wasted time on a stupid f****** video game.
My only real friends in life were my sister and her husband. They moved away a month ago, and now all I have are my crazy parents and sister in the area.
I can't make friends. I can't stick with anything. I feel unlovable. I am not optimistic about my future relationships or career. I can't lose weight and no one is going to love me at my current weight. My family are not nice people but they're all that I have right now.
Feel terrible right now. Worthless, stupid, lazy, unlovable. Feel even worse for self-pity, and just full of self loathing right now. Not suicidal, but by god, am I the only one that hits these incredible lows?
Bo-hoo
Moderators: Sunlily92, windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
Bearcat,
I am sorry that you are in such at such a low point in your life. Unfortunately pretty well all of the members of this forum can tell you that we have experienced some of the lowest of the lows.
Before I went on meds for my depression, I weighed 120 pounds, they were worried that it was too low (I am 5'6"). After I started on the meds for depression I stopped weighing myself, when I had more than doubled my weight.
Know that it is not much consolation, but don't give up on the cutting down on the calories and exercising. That is something that I have never been able to do consistently, and as a result my weight goes up and down.
Good for you that you have lost more than 15 pounds. Give yourself a pat on the back, a lot of us are just creeping up when we step on the scales.
You say that you don't have many friends. Well by finding us on the forum you have made many friends. We don't judge, just listen and if we think we can give a helpful suggestion, we may throw one or two in.
After all, aren't we all in the same boat. Can speak for pretty well everyone when I encourage you to keep posting. All the posts get read.
I am sorry that you are in such at such a low point in your life. Unfortunately pretty well all of the members of this forum can tell you that we have experienced some of the lowest of the lows.
Before I went on meds for my depression, I weighed 120 pounds, they were worried that it was too low (I am 5'6"). After I started on the meds for depression I stopped weighing myself, when I had more than doubled my weight.
Know that it is not much consolation, but don't give up on the cutting down on the calories and exercising. That is something that I have never been able to do consistently, and as a result my weight goes up and down.
Good for you that you have lost more than 15 pounds. Give yourself a pat on the back, a lot of us are just creeping up when we step on the scales.
You say that you don't have many friends. Well by finding us on the forum you have made many friends. We don't judge, just listen and if we think we can give a helpful suggestion, we may throw one or two in.
After all, aren't we all in the same boat. Can speak for pretty well everyone when I encourage you to keep posting. All the posts get read.
Hi Bearcat~
Yes, as Monty says, you just walked into a room full of new friends. And I'm going to be one of your best friends, since I'm fighting a losing battle with my weight too. Maybe we can help each other.
I am a 53 year old female, 5'4, and an embarassing 170 pounds. I'm a wizard with makeup and clothing, so I can hide most of it, but it makes me sick. My problem is twofold - I am at the age where our metabolisms slow way down and we only need a few calories a day, I am disabled because of Degenerative Disc Disease, where normally you have nice spongy spacers between your vertebrae, I have one ground down to nothing and the two vertebrae are fusing, and there is a huge ball of calcification growing there too, I need a new knee, have bursitis badly enough that even sitting here typing hurts, and several other problems too numerous to list. Also, I am on oxycodone for all the pain and it makes me CRAVE sugar. I can't exrrcise because of the back pain, and even on 900 calories a day, I'm not losing weight.
So, I can really relate to your misery.
And no, you sure aren't the only one that hits these lows. One thing that does stand out to me though, is that you seem to have the beginnings of a real depression. Not merely existential - no girlfriend, no job, overweight etc., but the type of depression that is going to undermine everything you think and do. I would very strongly suggest at this point, before you start feeling hopeless, is to get to a psychiatrist and find out about getting on Cymbalta. It, if it truely is a brain-chemical thing, can really help you. It can give you the motivation to do something serious about your situation. You've gotten rid of the girlfriend, now go back and get into that PhD program you wanted. That right there will give you new friends, a new town to learn, activity that will help bring off the weight, and pride in yourself for doing it - for pulling yourself out of the pit you're in. When I went back to college it was wonderful. My mind got exercise, my body got exercise, I got a really good job there and came home every night happier than hell, with lots of good stories to tell my husband.
I hope you can imagine - really; sit down and strongly imagine - a future where you are at the new school, with new friends, and getting on with life doing what you wanted to do.
What is your major, anyway? And how old are you? You don't have to answer anything you don't want to, it just helps us figure out what may help you.
Hope to hear from you soon -
A5
Yes, as Monty says, you just walked into a room full of new friends. And I'm going to be one of your best friends, since I'm fighting a losing battle with my weight too. Maybe we can help each other.
I am a 53 year old female, 5'4, and an embarassing 170 pounds. I'm a wizard with makeup and clothing, so I can hide most of it, but it makes me sick. My problem is twofold - I am at the age where our metabolisms slow way down and we only need a few calories a day, I am disabled because of Degenerative Disc Disease, where normally you have nice spongy spacers between your vertebrae, I have one ground down to nothing and the two vertebrae are fusing, and there is a huge ball of calcification growing there too, I need a new knee, have bursitis badly enough that even sitting here typing hurts, and several other problems too numerous to list. Also, I am on oxycodone for all the pain and it makes me CRAVE sugar. I can't exrrcise because of the back pain, and even on 900 calories a day, I'm not losing weight.
So, I can really relate to your misery.
And no, you sure aren't the only one that hits these lows. One thing that does stand out to me though, is that you seem to have the beginnings of a real depression. Not merely existential - no girlfriend, no job, overweight etc., but the type of depression that is going to undermine everything you think and do. I would very strongly suggest at this point, before you start feeling hopeless, is to get to a psychiatrist and find out about getting on Cymbalta. It, if it truely is a brain-chemical thing, can really help you. It can give you the motivation to do something serious about your situation. You've gotten rid of the girlfriend, now go back and get into that PhD program you wanted. That right there will give you new friends, a new town to learn, activity that will help bring off the weight, and pride in yourself for doing it - for pulling yourself out of the pit you're in. When I went back to college it was wonderful. My mind got exercise, my body got exercise, I got a really good job there and came home every night happier than hell, with lots of good stories to tell my husband.
I hope you can imagine - really; sit down and strongly imagine - a future where you are at the new school, with new friends, and getting on with life doing what you wanted to do.
What is your major, anyway? And how old are you? You don't have to answer anything you don't want to, it just helps us figure out what may help you.
Hope to hear from you soon -
A5
I bet I could weight coach people, that's one problem I've actually been successful in tackling and defeating.
(It's a good feeling accomplishment but no guarantee being thinner will solve every problem; lots of thin people with problems too!
)
Wow that's bad about following the gf and then she dumps you because of that very reason. But there's still a way up. Might not be easy but definitely there's a way, hang in there and try to figure it out.
(It's a good feeling accomplishment but no guarantee being thinner will solve every problem; lots of thin people with problems too!
)
Wow that's bad about following the gf and then she dumps you because of that very reason. But there's still a way up. Might not be easy but definitely there's a way, hang in there and try to figure it out.
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