My Story: Lonely and Depressed in Europe

[mkl27]

Hello Everyone.

I am now in my early 30s and have experienced depression on and off again since I was a teenager (definitely SAD, but I think recently, there is more to it). For the majority of the last decade, I had moved and lived in a very sunny climate, and I didn't feel depressed for the majority of my time there, with the exception of a very difficult break-up at one point.

Last summer, I accepted a job overseas and became an expat in Europe. I got back together with an ex-boyfriend whom was also living here, but after a few months, was devastated to learn that he had stolen a large sum of money from me and lied about a number of things. I felt incredibly stupid, but thankfully had made a couple of good friends whom were there for me and helped me through it. However, I have been dealing in recent months with the aftermath of this situation. I have had a lot of trouble dating again, despite having met a couple of wonderful men, because I find it challenging to trust people and feel better just pushing them away. I also am very unhappy with my job.

I always feel better after talking with friends, but I think that I have started to become a burden on some of them. I haven't been myself, and I have had a tremendous amount of stress and weight on my shoulders. I have noticed that they have started to drift away, making excuses and sometimes excluding me from group activities. I want to talk to them about it, but fear that it will push them away more, not to mention that I feel that I will be very upset if I find out that they are indeed unable to handle being my friend right now. I know it is a lot to handle, especially since we have only known each other since the summer, and I feel badly about it, but I don't know whom else to talk to. I feel like I should be better equipped to handle all of this at my age, which also makes me feel worse...it's just an endless cycle of me feeling terrible.

I have always been the type to push myself to make a change and to make things better...I felt like my life was rather stagnant in my old location, so I took the risk of moving overseas. I naively thought that things would be fantastic here, but I never thought that anything like the above mentioned would happen to me. Truthfully, I am finding everything to be very overwhelming and difficult to handle, but I don't want to burden my friends anymore. I know that I should probably see a therapist, but I have not been able to afford one yet. I will be looking into it soon.

Any support or advice that you can provide would be very appreciated. Thank you for reading.

[elastic*heart]

hi mkl27. I just wanted to tell you I understand what you are going through. Depression can really hit hard when bad things happen. it seems like you should feel as bad as you do because of the crap things that have happened but it's not true! depression lies and makes it feel so much more hopeless. I am sorry you are going thru it. I am about to turn 32 and have recently lost a job.. mostly cause of my depression and anxiety interfering with my ability to do it. I work in a super stressful career... whoops. so now the hard part is getting back to a happy and healthy state when there are so many things to be anxious about. I suppose I just wanted you to know there are people to talk to that don't judge or feel burdened. I am lucky to have a couple of confidants and a supportive boyfriend. but they can't take it away. we have to find a way to heal ourselves. I hope you can get therapy. and the friends worth having will be there when you need to talk. if possible try to have fun with people and distract yourself from the negative thoughts. it's not easy but sometimes it works for me. good luck! and you aren't alone in this.