Wow! Has this board changed or is it me?

[Glad2bme]

I was in the Chat room and I guess I never did go there much, but I remember it being a lighter atmosphere where people went to be more loose but it went by so fast, I'm literally feeling weird from having been there.

I guess I remember the forums more. Less hectic. People say hello and aren't gone in a flash.

I thought I was unburdening because I'm so mad at my son for yelling at the littelest one. He's 2 and can't understand why he can't come upstairs and see Grandma. I've got some virus that has had me physically down since late Saturday.

Me and the little guy are tight buds, but his Dad is all blaming me because I was talking to him. OK, so THAT WAS the reason the 2 year old was trying to climb over the baby gate... I get it.

BUT my point is valid too. You don't need to grab him away and yell at him because it's inconvienent for you to stop your stupid video game and pay attention to your child.

I started turning anger inward and then outward. Like glad I had him, but if I could reverse the decision at this moment.... It's an awful thought. I'd never ever even do it. Can't even say it out loud. But it was what I thought to break myself out of thinking "I can't do this any more" "They never listen to me." "It's going to be MY fault that his kids are going to therapy some day with these issues because I didn't intervene."

[100footpole]

That's an interesting question Glad2bme?

I've had a couple of similar experiences in The Anxiety Chatroom, when there are some people in there just being jerks. I put those people on ignore, but then some of the conversation stops making sense ... I need to carry my side more.

It sounds like you could have used someone to confirm that your feelings were valid, even if you can't control your son's actions:

You don't need to grab him away and yell at him because it's inconvienent for you to stop your stupid video game and pay attention to your child.

I think about this a lot. Sometimes the sum of patience in a room is not equal to the sum of patience needed. This has always been true, but when we look back in the past we remember our sacrifices, but not our tantrums. I am thinking about myself in this instance ... because I need to be motivated to do behave well, even when I don't have an immediate reason, because I do believe that in the long run we all benefit when we are all kind, and kindness needs to start with me. This means there are times when my kindness may not be returned, but each of these times is a possible example for building a better world.

I have punched walls before, and had to fix them. I know other people who end up with hands in casts. It is only my knowledge that tantrums are always ineffective that keeps me from continuing to throw a tantrum. The converse of this is that when someone throws a tantrum, I do my best to make sure that damage is minimized.

Talked with a friend whose wife threw pans ... because her mom threw pans ... he just left the house. He called two hours later and got assurance that nothing would be thrown when he came home. He then said that his wife had two more strikes ... each time he would leave. But the third time he wasn't coming back, and that in the meantime he would help his wife find ways to deal with her anger. Therapy helped so last I heard she was still on strike one ... and in fact I believe that he would have said that the count was back at zero ....

Learning to deal with anger is something that all of us need to do all our lives ... but I try to look for the positive examples, and do my best to not engage with the negative. Hugs to you, your son, and your grandchild. You are right that this board is always different ... but I hope you always feel free to come here to decompress. It sounded like you felt at least a little better at the end of your post. More hugs for you. [/quote]