My Story - abuse and depression

[wendy99]

My name is Wendy and I am 43. I have had depression since I was 16. I was physically and sexually abused starting at age 14. I have struggled with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) since I was 18. I have always been a bit shy. I have never married; I attracted guys who had no drive to accomplish much in life, like holding a steady job. Some showed signs of being abusive, so I just ran from them. I figured no relationship was better than a bad one. I lived on my own for 15 years until I moved back home to be my parents' caregiver. I feel like that is all I am good for. I didn't have the opportunity to go to college. In my family you had to get a scholarship. My brother's went, but me and my sisters did not. They both married young because they were pretty and outgoing. I have gone through counseling, so my PTSD is much better. I don't struggle with constant memories of the abuse anymore. I had a great counselor, but he retired a couple of years ago. He referred me to his replacement, but I did not like her enough to justify the expense. Besides, she kept telling me things I had already heard. I can't seem to find a place to fit in in life. I am tied down caring for my mom who has Alzheimer's, so I can't get out very often. Most people my age are married, and the men that are not seem to have serious personality flaws.
I just feel so alone. I take an anti-depressant and have for years. If I don't, I feel suicidal. I have tried five or six different ones. Well, that about sums my life. Any responses are welcome.

[100footpole]

Thanks for sharing Wendy.

Those do sound like huge problems. It sounds like you've made some good decisions. Like you I'm on anti-depressants. It sounds like you a do a lot for your mom, but it doesn't sound like you get much support from your family.

Do you know other people who do what you do?

My neighbor cared for her parents for years. She then worked in a Senior Citizens facility continuing the care. I think she had a hard time like you with her parents, but she found her experience made her a success when she was working. She recently retired, and continues to work at the facility as a "sub". We visited several times during the summer. She never described her hard times, but I cant tell you that she is happy now, and feels her life has worked out.

You are doing valuable work, but I know it is hard if no one is recognizing it.

[wendy99]

Thank you. I really appreciate the validation. I don't know any other caregivers, but I don't know where to look either.