I want a better life, but I have no idea how to begin...

[AlexyA]

I'm sixteen, seventeen this November and I've slowly been getting worse with my depression, I've tried to see the beautiful things in my life, and I am thankful for what I have, but I'm also miserable knowing I might never be who I want to be, that I might be alone for years to come.
I have social anxiety because of homeschooling - It made me isolated and eventually I had no friends. -
I developed depression when I became a type 1 diabetic and people bullied me because I have to inject myself with insulin daily. At that point, I was only 11 but I still spent the entire summer that year sleeping almost 12 hours a day, often longer and only being able to stay up for a few hours before getting exhausted, both mentally and physically. I don't sleep as much anymore, but I rarely leave the house because, well, I've no where to go or anyone to see. My social anxiety is only around teenagers - both genders - and semi anxious or nervous around young adults - mostly men -
I can barely speak to them, and always avoid them if I can. When it comes to regular adults it's so easy to talk about anything. I feel like they treat me like an adult and I can treat them the same, no stupid slang words or idiotic nicknames like 'my ni**a, or dawg.' Or talking like gangsters or hipsters. That kind of thing just make me uncomfortable and it really only makes them seem unintelligent. With adults I never have to worry about that, I also don't feel the most common worry of 'what do they want from me' as I'm too well versed in teenagers using me for my things then getting rid of me as soon as I become useless.

My mom gives me no support what so ever and is rather mean about my problems, so I can't talk to her about any of this, in fact, she causes allot of my depression. My dad simply doesn't understand and has no idea how to help me.

My dream is to get money and move to LA where I can force myself to go out and meet people. There is nothing to do in this crap little town so I'm stuck. No jobs are available for me and I have no idea how to make enough money to get out of here. My diabetic supplies are expensive, so are my animals that I could never leave behind.

I don't know what to do or where to start, or when it'll end. All I know is my pain isn't just mental anymore, but the stress is causing me physical pain. I get headaches all the time, stomach cramps, panic attacks, my head hurts so much sometimes that I can't bare it. And I feel like the root of my problem is this town, that if I could start over, somewhere new, I could be free from this cage. But getting out, it seems impossible.

[JonsDragonEyes]

Hey there AlexyA. It's nice to meet you. Welcome to the forums. I'm glad you found this place.

I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond. It's hard to sometimes find the right words. First let me start by saying my heart totally goes out to you for your social anxiety. I have that and I'm in my late 30's.

I'm not an expert because I'm struggling myself but to me fear can be your worst enemy because when your afraid the one thing that repeats itself over and over in your mind is what the worst thing to happen would be. And it's all you seem to think about.

Sometimes as hard as it is , facing your fears is the best solution. It's TOUGH I know.

I am so sorry you were bullied like that when you was younger. When people act like that you just want to shake some sense into them. " But you can't do that of course." lol ... I don't know why kids and even grown adults have to make fun of someone just because they are different.

Someday you ARE gonna be everything you dream to be. This horrible time period your going though won't last forever. One thing that helps is knowing your not alone. I hope you stay here on these forums. When you need to vent come here and yell at us , cry to us. That is what places like this are for. This can be your huge venting , ranting ground.

And maybe you can also find more people here that are going through social anxiety too. Maybe knowing your not so alone in this struggle can give you a bit more hope ??

We'd love to have you here with us. I hope this helps a little. Hang in there okay.

You mentioned you have animals ?? Awesome. So do I. I have some of the craziest cats in the world ha ha....

love and hugs