Sinking Deeper

[Conceal Don't Feel]

Truth be told, I have always had a difficult time expressing my emotions and sharing my situation, with those around me. I dread drawing unnecessary drama and attention to myself, and therefore have developed a habit of bottling everything inside. Here goes; I have social anxiety and depression.

During prior months I endured a period of emotional numbness, where I started to drive away and distance myself from friends and family members, eventually achieving isolation. I didn't want to be touched or to communicate with anyone, much less endure their company. I merely wanted to be alone. I felt more hollow, more hopeless, then anything else. The notion of suicide invaded my mind, and I spent countless hours planning my demise, but when it came down to it, I knew I could never perform the deed - I'm too much of a chicken, and I know my family would never forgive me.

Lately, my depression has escalated. The pain returned, and I don't know what to do. I can't sleep anymore - Insomnia - and yet I'm always tired, drained of energy. I can go anywhere from hours to days or weeks where I don't want to eat or drink. Being an adolescent, I tried more than once to communicate with my parents over this pending issue, but they told me it was my imagination and dismissed it. I gave up talking to them after that. I try to keep busy, hoping if I’m distracted it may provide relief. I take walk and do yoga, and altered my diet to include more fresh fruits and vegies, while avoiding processed foods and junk as much as possible. But no matter how much I try, I just seem to keep sinking deeper.

[JonsDragonEyes]

Sometimes it's so hard to find the right words to say to someone. I wish I could find the magic ones that could make everything okay again in your life.

One thing I know for sure is your not chicken. You didn't commit suicide ... that means your S T R O N G. A lot stronger than you think and I'm proud of you. That takes real courage.

I'm sorry your parents don't understand what your going through. That can be one of the hardest things of all for people you love to not understand something that affects you so much.

I'm glad your keeping busy though. Yoga is a great idea.. keep going. Life sure isn't easy.

I know how you feel about having social anxiety but if you try just a tiny bit every day.... taking little baby steps each new day I really believe it can get better.

When you've been sad and feel so helpless for so long finding that one day that you wake up and see the sun shining again is the best feeling in the world. And that CAN HAPPEN... it really can. Just please don't ever give up.

Please keep coming on here and writing posts and venting whenever you need to. Maybe it will help you get comfortable around people again... That's one of the best things about places like this website. Finding people that are going through similar or exact same things you are. It makes you feel less alone.

And it can help you believe that anything is possible.