My story about depression and getting help for it

[twostepsbehind]

I would like to talk about depression.My depression.This wont be a story
about how bad life is etc.Its about how bad life WAS before i got some sort of help.
I spent 14 years suffering from depression.I didnt tell anybody.I felt like i would just cause
problems to other people by doing so.But the truth is i only caused problems for myself.
When you are in a deep depression your motivation starts to fade away.
Not having motivation meaning not having the energy to do anything.At all.
My grades are bad because of this,currently im not in school or anything.
And if i want to get in to a good school i need to start from the beginning.
Learn everything i was supposed to learn years ago.
I was having some disturbing thoughts assuming because of my depression.
I felt like i was all alone.I had friends.I have a family.But because i spent alone
in that dark,cold world i created inside my head it was hard for me to really care about them.
I felt like i didnt even know them.I still dont.My family members are completely unknown to me.
I hardly know anything about the few friends that for some weird reason decided to stick with me.
I feel bad.I neglected my friends who seem to truly care about me.I neglected my family.Well still am.
And to add something to this i dont know a single thing about myself.
The 14 years i spent in that dark,cold,twisted world...I wasnt really living at all.
I was just going through life without a thought.Each year the depression got worse.
It became too much to handle on my own.Yet i still felt like i could tell no one.
I felt like i did something to deserve this.So naturally i felt like i had to suffer alone.
Humans mind is a funny thing,so fragile...
As years went by i started imagining my depression as a wolf.
A wolf who had followed me through my whole life.
A small wolf who came back each time stronger and bigger after i had gotten rid of it.
A wolf who grew so big and strong i was powerless against him.
I started to feel like my depression was the only thing i had.
If the wolf was real i would have a love/hate relationship with it.
A best friend who just wouldnt leave me.
A relationship i needed to let go.
I thought i was alone with my depression.
I knew there was other people too yes.
But it was so hard to grasp it since i hadnt met anyone who had a depression as bad as mine.
Lately i felt like i was at the edge.
I was ready to jump.
Then I thought maybe theres someone who is willing to hear my voice.
Just...someone...anyone...
I stumbled upon a website which had a chat room dealing with depression.
I was skeptical at first.
Then i thought "oh what the hell,might as well check this out."
I reached out and someone actually was willing to listen.
I thought "oh some dude who has some issues with women" at first.
I was wrong.
The person who i talked to had depression which really couldnt be cured.
I started feeling like a god damned idiot.
He cant really get better.I can,so what the hell am i doing with my life?
I talked to him about it and he was surprisingly supportive about the whole thing.
He gave me the strength to take that first step towards getting better.
The step i took was small.But it is a start.The first step i took made me feel a little better already.
And now i cant wait to talk to a psychiatrist.
Why am i telling this?Because i wish for other people who have depression to get help.
Some people might say "oh hes JUST depressed."
To those people i say f*** you very much.
Depression is a serious issue.It can lead to death same way as a car accident can.
Now if theres someone reading this and you are depressed please get some help before its too late.
You might think that there isnt anyone who cares whether you live or die.YOU.ARE.WRONG.
There is always someone.Nobody is born in this world alone after all.Even if it feels like it.

[ars]

It is very hard. I try and start but it has not helped.
Losing most everything has spiraled me down. I fight to stay positive. It is very hard.

[nutmeg]

Trying to decide whether or not to seek treatment is hard, and I personally feel like this is one of those things where you need to hit rock bottom before you get help. I personally don't tell anyone because I don't want them to worry, I'm afraid they'll tell me I just need to learn to cope or I'm just doing it for attention. I know I'm not going to kill myself (even though I want to) so I figure I'm better off trying to deal on my own. This is in no way an argument to what you posted, but you have succeeded in making me reconsider my own views on the subject.