Spiraling

[metaLarsllica]

Well seems that things in the last 6 months have taken a turn for the worse. I feel everyday is just another battle. I've gone from being stable to barely functioning it feels like. Had have several weeks of constant idealization and almost acting on those thoughts. That has seem to subsided for a bit. Now I just can't seem to get my mood to stabilize. I feel i'm on a constant roller coaster. I wake everyday feeling fine, and then within an hour to the time I go to bed I am fine, to upset, to laughing, to mad.... It's tiring and more than that, it's confusing. I don't know what I need more, to be constantly depressed, constantly manic... but geeze something has got to give. One or the other at this point. The problem with being so emotionally unstable, is so are my triggers. I can get triggered at the smallest thing. I'm tired. I just want it to stop. I want to feel what "normal" was for me. I want everything to stop feeling like the end of the world. I want the anxiety to go away and I want the fear to disappear.