(may trigger) Just writing what comes to mind to vent.

[OmegaAngelus86]

Just kinda gonna write what comes to mind when it does.
When I was a young kid, my mother and father where having some problems. She was a drunk and was cheating on him with her dealer named Dan. When I was 4 my father tried to get her to come home from a bar to be with her family But failed. The bartender kicked her out after my father left but she went to Dan's house instead of home. My father went home and killed himself. Myself, my brother, and my sister found his body the next morning after getting home from our grandparents house(father's side). We got dropped off and went inside to find the house empty and after searching we found him in the garage. This is my earliest memory.

[OmegaAngelus86]

Shortly after my Dad took his own life my Mom got married to Dan and we all moved in. Mom started to do hard drugs along with all her drinking and Dan was even worse. While Mom was just neglectful and would not show up at home for days at a time, Dan would get drunk and scream, spit, and hit. All of us kids would just kind of hide away in our room or be outside all day to stay away from our parents. They come home and we make ourselves scarce. At least once a week Dan and mom would have loud fights that occasionally would get physical. These ended in us hiding in the basement till they broke down and one or both left for the night or a few nights. After a few years they started bringing their drug habits around our house a lot more openly which meant that we were always in a house that had drugs laying around it, more than a few spoons with burns on them that we knew not to use, and a whole lot of drugged up strangers that would spend a couple days here and there that we tended to stay clear of.

[TammyJS]

Vent all you would like Omega, you have every right. You have been through so much. I am not sure how old you are, but how are you doing now? Are you out of the house?

[OmegaAngelus86]

It isn't all bad. I am 27 now and me and my siblings moved in with our grandparents when I turned 14(my sister a few years before me and my brother). My grandparents have always been the most wonderful people in our lives and saved us from a much darker life in many ways. They took my mom to court and won the right to take us to church one day a week and have one weekend a month to stay with them. So one day a week and one weekend a month we had a safe living home which is more than a lot of people get.

My mom dissapeared one day when I was about 14 (she showed back up on the other side of the country a few months later) and we used it as an excuse to move in with our grandparents full time. Raised us when they didn't have to and noone else would.

[OmegaAngelus86]

My mom wasn't a bad person per say. She just had a hard life and turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with it. She would get messed up to avoid dealing with pain and getting messed up would lead to more pain that she needed to avoid.
After she left us and we moved in with our grandparents we lost touch for a while and none of us wanted to go back so we avoided her. More pain for her that she had a hard time dealing with. We should have helped her more but we were just kids trying to keep away from that world.
She tried to get better. She left Dan and moved in with a boyfriend that was clean and had a steady job but she would always eventually slip back into her old ways and vanish for a few days here and there and show up strung out. Right after my 18th birthday she went back to Dan and took her own life with heroin

[OmegaAngelus86]

I moved out a short while after the funeral. I had a few roommates for a couple years and a few girlfriends but I started to distance myself away from other people more and more. I had always been independent even as a child (cooked my own meals at a young age and got myself to school and around town) but I just started seeing most people as untrustworthy or corrupt and had no desire to deal with most of them. I still kept a few friends and I have never had a problem making new ones but I always seem to find a way to hate them.

[OmegaAngelus86]

Lately I have just been pushing everyone away. The ones I care about I feel like I need to protect them from me and the rest of the people I really couldn't care less about and don't want then near me anyways. I usually only speak to any family I have left maybe once or twice a year and apparently most people feel bad about that sort of thing but I really don't. I have absolutely no feelings about things that most people like family but my brain will latch onto certain people or things and the flood of emotions is not something I can handle so I intentionally push them away before they can see what my head is really like. Just been harder to turn my head off lately. Can't stop thinking about things that are painful to me and I am going a little more crazy than normal.