Here I am...

[Sparkey528]

Well I been looking for help for awhile, but nobody in my life can do it, so I came for idea's and tips. I'm a bit new so I might be on the wrong post....i apologize. I guess I'll start with introductions.
I'm a high school teenage girl but I'm different than well everyone. I am Asian, I generally wear dark clothes but I'm not exactly goth. I like video games and watch cartoons and anime on occasion.

My family is pretty lame, my mom tries but she can't help me, i know she probably cares as she was the one who adopted me. My uncle however is awful, he is a sexist racist (ps he's Caucasian) and he is a homophobe. However my mom needs financial help so she lets him verbally abuse her and me. i have argued with her about it but she tells me just to ignore him and that she'll deal with him. In other words, I have a 0% chance of her supporting me. my other uncles all live somewhere else but they aren't any better.

I don't have and friends, usually I eat lunch alone. Nobody seems to like me. I'm loud due to my ears being bad, so I am considered annoying. Thus I don't have the social skills to get around. When I was in middle school I was bullied constantly by student and teachers alike.

For instance my art teach told me everyday I can only draw crappy cartoons, that i couldn't be an artist. I had a geography who would humiliate me in front of my entire class because I wasn't as smart as everyone else. One time when my mom went into the hospital and since I don't have a dad I was home alone for 2 weeks. I guess he saw that i was in a horrible mood so for two weeks strait he found any way he could to make me feel awful. In my french class people would throw stuff at me and call me names and then the teacher would yell at me because I talked back to them and since I'm loud so she only heard me.

People would push me or steal my chair, talk behind my back, etc...
My depression went so bad, I couldn't go to school at least a day a week. I was often late and then my teacher would always call me lazy because i was 20-30 and even 40 mins late.

After a year of this i finally went to high school a Military soldier whom I've only seen through recruitment harasses me to no end because I asked a simple concerning question. No I don't hate the military, in fact I respect them for what they do for my country. It is just this man who i have trouble with for some reason, and I can't handle it anymore.

Every time they come he always tell the other soldiers there that I'm disgusting and when I pass the table since I have to pass it to get to another class he'll call me horrible names. The other soldiers are nice as they tell me directly afterwards the words "sorry", but for some reason I still can't fully ignore it. I don't want to report him as one I'll just get mocked, and two I'll have a mental breakdown when I am.

I don't know what to do, sure I could report him but for what cost,having all the other soldiers who haven't met him ridicule me. Besides I'd rather have something bad happen to him without me being involved. What i think i want is that one good friend to get me through anything but honestly even I wouldn't want to be my own friend. I've grown so bitter over the years of elementary, middle and high school. My social skills are in the negative. And while I'm not as bullied I still feel so awful, I don't know why maybe I'm just greedy. I haven't had that bad of experiences compared to others yet I still cut and have that urge to kill myself from time to time.

If anyone who understand my situation can you give me pointers, I know I have no right to be all suicidal, as I stated, people have much worse situations than me yet they are happy, but I am miserable. If i try to get professional help my uncle will just say, "you have a house, clothes, a couch to sleep on. Why waste time and money".

My mom is also in a very depression state that she has to take very expensive meds. She doesnt have support so she usually just does what my brother says, honestly I wish i could be more understanding of her, instead I can be rude to her. If anyone can give me tips or can relate to me, or wants to talk/listen to me, I'd appreciate that.

[CAMARO]

Hi!
If someone is being abusive (mental or physical) and they are a Superior, it is important to stop their bullying as you might not be their only victim. Think of it as being a good thing since you will be helping someone in the future. I am sure you can report them anonymously. You can also ignore your uncle. If you think you are ready to seak Professional help, you can do so without having your family members know. I suggest you do even though it's scary.
Hope you feel better.