I've stopped living

[Patrick]

It's been a rough year. I have always struggled with depression but this past year has been the breaking point. In the first 5 weeks of the year I had problems with my foot that left me in excruciating pain. During this time my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. After watching her go through a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery and the constant worry for her, I have finally become mentally worn out. The doctor's have said that the cancer was caught early and she is now considered cancer free. However, all I do is worry about the cancer returning. I am obsessive about it. I don't do anything that I used to do. I get scared every time she goes for a checkup. I don't live for myself anymore. I just worry about her all the time. I also know she has bad days herself where she worries about it. I have gotten paralyzed with fear to the point that I just exist. I used to ride mountain bikes, and build model cars, metal detecting. These were passionate hobbies for me and now I don't do anything. Just get up, go to work, stress about everything and do it all over again the next day. I also can say I don't have any friends or family to talk to so I have no outlet and I can't afford the co-pay for any psychiatric help. Im just sick of not living!

[siadamia]

i can understand....
we have no control over the future.. the only thing that we can do .. is try to make our present better.. 2013 was not good for u but who knows.. 2014 will be better.. don't loose hope.. according to me.. give your life a break... go on a sweet vacation with your wife... this will make both of u happy.. and will definitely remove negativity from your life..

[Patrick]

We have talked about trying to take a vacation when we get our tax return. Hopefully this will give us a much needed break.