Hello everyone. I'm really new to this whole online help thing but I find myself struggling more everyday. There's so much going on at the moment. None of my friends understand how I'm feeling and just don't get it. Five years ago I was raped by someone who I thought was my friend. I didn't handle it very well, ended up making a few attempts, luckily they didn't work and ingot sole help and counselling and I dealt with it. A few months ago I would have said I was in a place where I dealt with it and I was enjoying my life.
About a month ago I was walking and a man grabbed me and started to assault me. I kicked and fought him off and ran away. Since this happened I've not been able to get to sleep as normal, and when I do fall asleep I wake up having nightmares about the guy that raped me years ago and this latest guy. I work in a call centre and a few people have snuck up on me and grabbed me from behind which makes me panic and brings everything back. I feel so stupid cos they all laugh at me or take the mick when I'll be quiet. Usually I'm such a happy person but I don't feel like I've got anything to be happy for anymore. I have a young daughter and this is going to sound awful but I don't even want to take her out anymore. I can't bare to be in public and I don't have the energy to do things with her as I'm always exhausted from not sleeping. I haven't told anyone about the attack yet. My days seem to just be pointless and I just feel so down. I don't understand why this has happened to me again.
Hello (Triggering Material)
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Re: Hello (Triggering Material)
Hi Bebecca. Welcome. First I want to say how really brave you are by reaching out to us here. It's not an easy subject to talk about, so that you are shows a lot of courage.
May I ask if you have been diagnosed with ptsd? Have you considered going back to counseling? It can be hard for people who haven't been there to understand, but sometimes people will try and that can make a difference.
One of the things to hold on to is that you've came back from this before, so you know you can again. Sometimes we have set backs and its hard to realize that we feel like we are back right where we started, but I find that it doesn't last as long and we go into it with the knowledge that it can get better again.
Nightmares are hard to deal with. Have you tried leaving a lamp on to help you sleep? Sometimes waking up and keeping a dream journal can help you. You write down what you dreamed, and then you put it out of your head the best you can.
Also a comparison on then and now helps too. Like in the past you weren't able to stop it, but this time you fought back and you got away. Try to keep reassuring yourself that you did when you feel like this. Some things that can help keeping you in the hear and now, are bubble baths, scented candles, if you have a pet, petting its fur. These kind of things give you a sense of your presence and your surroundings.
I'm sorry about people sneaking up behind you, that's something I can relate to even with my abuse being so many years ago. Your friends should respect your boundaries.
I can understand about not taking your daughter out, its a way to protect yourself and her from the unknown. And I can relate to how it makes you feel not be able to do that. I also know some days might be easier than others. I believe this is something you can work on to over come. And maybe something for anxiety might help.
Just because its like this now, doesn't mean it will be forever. Hold on to that, and know you can find happiness again.
Don't be too hard on yourself. What you've been through was traumatic. It takes time to get through this. But I believe you will, and this is a good step.
May I ask if you have been diagnosed with ptsd? Have you considered going back to counseling? It can be hard for people who haven't been there to understand, but sometimes people will try and that can make a difference.
One of the things to hold on to is that you've came back from this before, so you know you can again. Sometimes we have set backs and its hard to realize that we feel like we are back right where we started, but I find that it doesn't last as long and we go into it with the knowledge that it can get better again.
Nightmares are hard to deal with. Have you tried leaving a lamp on to help you sleep? Sometimes waking up and keeping a dream journal can help you. You write down what you dreamed, and then you put it out of your head the best you can.
Also a comparison on then and now helps too. Like in the past you weren't able to stop it, but this time you fought back and you got away. Try to keep reassuring yourself that you did when you feel like this. Some things that can help keeping you in the hear and now, are bubble baths, scented candles, if you have a pet, petting its fur. These kind of things give you a sense of your presence and your surroundings.
I'm sorry about people sneaking up behind you, that's something I can relate to even with my abuse being so many years ago. Your friends should respect your boundaries.
I can understand about not taking your daughter out, its a way to protect yourself and her from the unknown. And I can relate to how it makes you feel not be able to do that. I also know some days might be easier than others. I believe this is something you can work on to over come. And maybe something for anxiety might help.
Just because its like this now, doesn't mean it will be forever. Hold on to that, and know you can find happiness again.
Don't be too hard on yourself. What you've been through was traumatic. It takes time to get through this. But I believe you will, and this is a good step.
Thank you for your reassuring words. Even just writing it out helps. Sometimes I just want to tell everyone but I can't always find the words to explain how I'm feeling and most of te time I'm just worried they'll think bad of me. Last time I lost a lot of friends and family through telling my story and suffering. I can't cope with going through that again.
I haven't been to the doctor to talk about it. Literally, this is the first time I s told my story. I'll try the dream journals and see if they help. Sometimes the dreams are so vivid it's like I'm awake but I can still see his face and hear his words.
I do want to protect my daughter and I thank God she wasn't with me when this happened. I know I should have reported it so I guess I've got no one else to Blame but still worries me when I'm out cos I know he could be out there as well. I worry he will recognise me n do it again. It happened close to my home as wel which doesn't really help things.
I haven't been to the doctor to talk about it. Literally, this is the first time I s told my story. I'll try the dream journals and see if they help. Sometimes the dreams are so vivid it's like I'm awake but I can still see his face and hear his words.
I do want to protect my daughter and I thank God she wasn't with me when this happened. I know I should have reported it so I guess I've got no one else to Blame but still worries me when I'm out cos I know he could be out there as well. I worry he will recognise me n do it again. It happened close to my home as wel which doesn't really help things.
Hello Bebecca,
Sorry to hear you have had to go through such a thing.
StarsFallToo has given you some excellent advice there especially with the dream journal. I don't think you need to tell your colleagues the whole story but simply say that you have been attacked before and don't appreciate it if they snuck up behind you. Hopefully they will learn to be more understanding and considerate.
When we go through horrible situations, after the initial shock, flood of emotions and we digest what happened, it is important to think about how not to let it happen again. You can survive the ordeal but you will still feel vulnerable which can affect your daily life. So have a think about what you can do to feel less vulnerable? If you reported him, he could be locked up. You can still be attacked by others so what precautions can you take to protect yourself? You kicked and fought someone off one time, how can you make sure that you can do that every time?
It is a dangerous world out there, you're not only looking out for yourself but also for your daughter, don't be scared, be strong. Dont let your fears stop you from living your life, learn how to stay safe. In the UK, we aren't allowed to carry weapons, not even pepper spray. But we can take up some self defence classes or something similar, to learn to defend ourselves. Many people don't know what to do, panic or freeze with fear when they are being attacked but if you are prepared for this kind of thing you won't be scared anymore.
I hope you find a way to cope, start living your life and don't live in fear x
Sorry to hear you have had to go through such a thing.
StarsFallToo has given you some excellent advice there especially with the dream journal. I don't think you need to tell your colleagues the whole story but simply say that you have been attacked before and don't appreciate it if they snuck up behind you. Hopefully they will learn to be more understanding and considerate.
When we go through horrible situations, after the initial shock, flood of emotions and we digest what happened, it is important to think about how not to let it happen again. You can survive the ordeal but you will still feel vulnerable which can affect your daily life. So have a think about what you can do to feel less vulnerable? If you reported him, he could be locked up. You can still be attacked by others so what precautions can you take to protect yourself? You kicked and fought someone off one time, how can you make sure that you can do that every time?
It is a dangerous world out there, you're not only looking out for yourself but also for your daughter, don't be scared, be strong. Dont let your fears stop you from living your life, learn how to stay safe. In the UK, we aren't allowed to carry weapons, not even pepper spray. But we can take up some self defence classes or something similar, to learn to defend ourselves. Many people don't know what to do, panic or freeze with fear when they are being attacked but if you are prepared for this kind of thing you won't be scared anymore.
I hope you find a way to cope, start living your life and don't live in fear x
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