Tired, depleted and diminished
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Tired, depleted and diminished
I have been struggling with severe depression for almost as long as I can remember. I have got to a point in my life where I have accepted this as part of my life. I feel like I am living with a constant dull ache which builds into complete despair like the tides of an ocean ebbing and flowing. i have pushed almost everyone that has cared about me away as i feel like my depression is kinda infectious and i cant maintain any enthusiasm and feel like i just drag people down with me. i just want to be on my own all the time but know this is not healthy for me as isolation is horrible. but i don't want to inflict myself on people that end up caring about me only to bring them down. i vowed never to kill myself a long time ago as i have had friends do this and have seen and experienced the devastation of this. life just hurts so much.
i feel exactly the same... so tired of this and mentally just dead. Its like my soul is completely gone... and i too have pushed so many people away tht its sad. I know what u mean about bringing others down.... i just cant shake off the 'deadness' and I cant make myself light up around people because nothing makes sense to me anymore.
Is there any particular reason u feel this way?
Is there any particular reason u feel this way?
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TheConsciousWind
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Tue Dec 10, 2013 1:16 am
Re: Tired, depleted and diminished
dablues wrote:I have been struggling with severe depression for almost as long as I can remember. I have got to a point in my life where I have accepted this as part of my life. I feel like I am living with a constant dull ache which builds into complete despair like the tides of an ocean ebbing and flowing. i have pushed almost everyone that has cared about me away as i feel like my depression is kinda infectious and i cant maintain any enthusiasm and feel like i just drag people down with me. i just want to be on my own all the time but know this is not healthy for me as isolation is horrible. but i don't want to inflict myself on people that end up caring about me only to bring them down. i vowed never to kill myself a long time ago as i have had friends do this and have seen and experienced the devastation of this. life just hurts so much.
this world of man's requires that he be an actor. it takes more effort than it should to communicate with other people, and how we communicate (the words we use, even our body language) has been taught to us, when it should be each man's personal creation/interpretation. some people aren't good actors (i call them honest), and those have more difficulty in life.
the person that is depressed has been made immobile as a defense mechanism to a toxic world. just think about how much noise humankind is making right now; endlessly talking/texting/watching tv. they are never quiet on the inside, not even when they sleep.
that said, i want you to try this meditation. don't worry, it's very simple. it is, ultimately, the path to enlightenment, but it can be used to get immediate answers and perspective about your self and why you feel the way you do.
anytime you're worrying or looking for an answer to a question, try stepping outside of the inner-dialogue (thoughts that consist of words). when you silence the inner-dialogue, reality speaks to you (you regain your focus). this can be done at any time while doing anything; it isn't something you need to take time out for.
also, if you're totally immobilized, but you want to do something, don't think about what that thing should be, such as "what should i do today?". instead, act on whim, like a child would. do a somersault or hand stand or whatever for no reason. then, again, go with your whim.
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