It shouldn't be this difficult

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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workinprogress2002
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Nov 01, 2013 2:07 am

It shouldn't be this difficult

Postby workinprogress2002 » Fri Nov 01, 2013 2:24 am

I don't know what to do. I'm 41, about to retire from the military, going through a divorce, custody battle, and I thought I found the love of my life, and now she wants space. FML.
I look back at my life and I see some signs of depression thru my entire adult life, but only now am beginning to connect the dots. I've always felt like a fraud, I'm not smart enough, strong enough, a bad father, a crappy husband.

You know that feeling that you have right before you break down and cry? That choked up, can't breathe feeling? Well, I have that EVERY SECOND THAT IM AWAKE. I wake up with it, I carry it around all day long, I go so sleep with it. All day, every day, I'm about a minute from crying at all times.

I was accused of many things by my wife, she accused me of cheating in her, having children before her, during the marriage, etc... I only have 1 kid, and he is hers. I even offered to pay for any paternity test, no questions asked, she said I would fake it to prove my point. I can't win with her, that's why I finally left her. By the way these accusations went on DAILY for about ten years. I stayed for my son, but now I have to move on.

I finally got the courage to leave her when I met someone who actually appreciated me for ME. A week after meeting this other woman, I left my wife. There was never any overlap physically, or emotionally for that matter, the marriage was done long ago. Its funny, but I never cheated on my wife until I left her and filed for divorce.

And now, that wonderful woman that gave me the courage to move on, after several months of forced separation (its complicated, but her husband that she left, blackmailed her to moving back in to make it look like she's trying, her parents hate her, her husband emotionally abuses her, etc...) , says I need to be strong by myself first before adding her. I get it, but right now, she's the only reason I have the will to breathe. Right now, she is my life.

The possibility that she's decided to stay with him makes my chest tighten up and I can't breathe. Its even worse than having the crappy marriage, showing me real love, then taking it away.
Dumbest man on earth.
:cry:

Glad2bme
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Oct 30, 2013 12:06 am

Some relationships teach us what we need to know...

Postby Glad2bme » Sat Nov 02, 2013 1:40 am

My ex decided to keep drinking and give up therapy. Decided to try and hit me too. Decided he had a death wish and that I didn't need to watch him fulfill it.

My first transitional relationship out of that was a player and it taught me that at that moment I only wanted a little bit of a relationship, just enough to help me get away from the controlling ex.

My other major relationship before my current hubby was also a player, but I was upfront with him that I only wanted a simple relationship, good times and sex, but monogamus. IF he wanted to be with someone else, let me know and hit the road, but I didn't want to be "one of his" women. Lasted a bit then he moved on.

When I really decided I wanted a relationship to last I picked a man who was everything on my list and then some. About 7 years into the relationship I thought of a few more things to put on the list, but hey, we've been together 25 years now and they just weren't that important.

My main thought when I'd find myself falling for someone and hoping it would work out would be "THIS Lord or something better." I truly think my Higher Power picked this one out for me and he's better in so many ways than I would have thought I deserved at most times in my life.

But through it all I kept working on myself and everything I did to make me a better person has improved my relationships too. Every one was better than the one that had gone before it.

Keep working on yourself and you will attract someone healthier and possibly "ready" for you. Maybe this woman will work her stuff out and maybe she won't, but you know more about love since you've known her and even that is a major gift for someone to give. Even if it hurts like hell that they move on or back or can't make up their mind.

EVERYTHING you invest in making yourself a better, happier person will make any relationship you have better as well.

Good luck.

Alaska1958
Posts: 178
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm

Postby Alaska1958 » Sat Nov 02, 2013 5:10 am

This is a tough subject for me to talk about. I'm just going through a divorce after 18 yearsof marriage and two cchildren. To say I'm bitter is a bit of an understatement.

What I would mention is that I now believe that after 40 years of depression I don't think I'm capable of the kind of deep emotional connection that women desire. I am able to care for another very much, but it's not the same thing. I have lived with three women in my life aand I'm stillgood ffriends with the first two. In large part because, while we cared for each other and, I believe, loved each other, we were never really in love.

Anyway that's my two cents worth. I'm terribly sorry to hear of your troubles and welcome both of you to the forum.

Ihatelife
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Dec 17, 2013 8:07 am

Postby Ihatelife » Tue Dec 17, 2013 5:13 pm

I can relate friend!!! My "so-called" fiancee...has been cheating on me with 2 different guys for the last 3 years!!!! I was heartbroken and angry...but now I am just trying to move on.

Yeah man...a woman can take any big, tough, rough man...and crumble his heart into tiny pieces!

As for the tightness in your chest...you may want to se your doctor please??? I have that...saw doctor...I have anxiety/panic and depression! I have meds that help some...but the problems are still here!

I am here to help friend! Message me anytime!

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Tue Dec 17, 2013 5:16 pm

I care. We all care. Please reach out more when you can, we are here for you always.

Try and stay strong, things will look up soon.

(((Hugs)))


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