My story

[metal bear]

Right, thats me eventually putting it up here.
I think it all started when I was sixteen when I was studying a sport and health course at college and started to take seizures so that turned my life upside down, having a "normal" life to lossing my independance with being scared to go in a bath incase I drowned or cooking incase I burned the house down. Anyway after this I became withdrawn from everyday life and only really spoke to my then girlfriend and one or two friends. Found myself with all the spare time in the world but had nothing to do so out of bordom I ended up gambling which was fun to start with but it had got a grip of my life and I was gambling unaware that I was a compulsive gambler. My girl friend then fell pregment and her mum chucked her out so she went to stay in a homeless hostel so I never wanted her to go their by herself so I went with her. We had alot of problems at this stage and she became quite abusive which I was embarased to tell anyone as she was over a foot smaller than me so with all the stress of this and the gambling it all became a bit much so I had took an overdose. After this I got profesional help and was attending meetings with a mental health team until my then girlfriend hid my appointment letters so I lost contact with them and found myself on my own with it again. I then became a single parent as the childs mum wanted to go out and party all the time and mixed with the wrong crowd and got involved with drugs and after a few months drifted away and took nothing to do with her child and still dosn't.. With this I knew I couldnt stay on my own with a baby as if I took a seizure it could have been very dangerous with a baby in the house so I moved in with my mum again. Things were going ok but I was still gambling so It wasn't a great point in my life. I tried to get my life in order so went back to college to study social care and done an evening course on councelling so I could help others but with my depression and gambling this wasn't very good for me so despite passing the early level courses decided that I couldnt continue with it. I then met my wife and she put up alot from me wiith the gambling but she stuck by me and got married 3 years ago and that is whenh I stopped gambling. Things were going great and I never felt depressed but the feelings started to come back and I bottled it all up as I never knew why I felt this way this time but eventually I started drinking heavily about 15 months ago and at this point I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetis which made me feel even worse and eventually last november everything became too much so I drank just under a bottle of whisky and took all the pills I could find. Luckily I got to the hospital on time and I am still getting help with my depression but I keep going into this dark place where I just can't get out of so the other day I was at the doctors and got changed to different tablets so I hope this helps as well as trying to stay active and writting in this forum.

[CrazyLady17]

Got no words I'm sorry!
But I read, I care and I'm listening.

Well done for writing it, proud of you.

(((Hugs)))

[metal bear]

Thank you for reading

[CrazyLady17]

You are welcome anytime

(((Hugs)))

[fallen]

i am glad you wrote it down, good on you, hopefully your are feeling a sense of relief !
my brother in law works in the building industry, he looks like 'Shrek ' massive guy.
he had a alcohol and gambling problem , oh yeah and smoking, being in his presence was like entering into a smog filled Victorian England , you get the picture !
so he did hypnotherapy and in three sessions he quit the smoking and gambling. my sister in law is trying to get him now to deal with the alcohol !
so what ever method you use pills or the other , there is hope .
take care

[metal bear]

I am really not convinced with the pills, that is only because I don't understand how you can swallow this small object and it help you feel better.With the gambling I moved to a village with no gambling in it apart from the pubs so that has helped it although the temptation is always there.
You are right it does give a relief writing things down and on here the people reading it have all experienced their own problems so I think it is better than talking to a doctor or anyone profesional.

[fallen]

i am glad you are feeling a ' little ' better for writing it down.
i personally do not take meds but for some people they find it works.
i to live in a country area so i am not stimulated by my triggers, i find it works for me, so i am glad it is helping you.
all the best
take care

[CrazyLady17]

I'm proud of you, keep it up!
Keep posting if it helps- maybe read other posts and reply to them, they may help you that way too...

(((Hugs)))

[metal bear]

Thanks fallen, the surroundings have much more of an influence than the tablets, even thugh I am unsure of them I am scared to stop taking them this now.

CrazyLady17 thank you, I am going to try and start posting more but I have been reading others and I think it does help reading that you are not alone in having problems, now to start having the courage(?) to post more but the fact that I am replying here is something a few weeks ago I would have even strugled with even more.

[CrazyLady17]

Good on you!
It will help you, believe me. As it helps me.

(((Hugs)))