confession of nobody

[schizorobin]

hi my names is Robbin
I'm 28 years old female and Moslem
And I don't know why I'm here

I'm not the one who chose my religion
it's in my blood since I was born
but that's not the source of my depression

maybe yes...
maybe not...

I don't know since when I lost my faith to God
I always thought that I'm just an alien in this world

Well I hate my names

[schizorobin]

dear mother,
I'm sorry, I'm not your beautiful daughter anymore
I would never be a bride
and I would never be a mother to give you grand child
Even if one day I'm gonna marry
That person might just married my dead body
I'm just a shell without a soul
Lived in society with a fake smile
I used my veil to hide my scars
You're not realize that I grow up to be a good liar

[schizorobin]

I'm going to die
in the end of July
I just wish my mother won't cry
or waste the money
for my unnecessary death ceremony
I'm just disgrace of the family
coz I know there's no one will remember me
in their memory
I'm just history
as well as my life just tragedy

[Ieris]

Hi Robbin,

No need to trap yourself and force yourself to live up to other peoples expectations. You need to remember this is YOUR life and you should be the one to decide how to live it.

Just because your mother/parents believes in God, it doesn't mean you have to. These things are personal and don't get inherited through birth so please don't blame yourself for this.

You said you hate your name, with names you can change but does this really change who you are? If religion doesn't work for you then let it go, many people live without believing in God, does that make them a bad person? No.

So many women don't get married or don't have children, this isn't a problem. It is freedom, it is choice which is something that you may also have but instead you are blaming yourself for not wanting these things as this does not live up to your parents' expectation.

Even if you do all these things to make your parents happy but you are not happy then there is no point. You need to concentrate on what you want and what you want to do.

I hope you feel better x

[Frame]

I know this is not about your name, but I like your name anyway.

[schizorobin]

thank you all for the response