Low grade down-ness

[Frame]

I believe it's all the above Darkhorse;

I think we inherit the bodies that are more vulnerable to the stresses that bring on depression. Perhaps, in another era, or another place, the stressor wouldn't be present. A time machine, properly applied, might alleviate depression. That's a sort of what having tons of money gets you (still you have to apply it with wisdom).

But we also get used to our maladies. We may still seek to be rid of them, but over time they become part of us; we accommodate them. A therapist once called depression an old friend. We fight it but still miss it when it's gone.

Then there's the thing (for me anyway) that I need anger and pain to keep me going. The carrot never appears so I have to rely on the stick.

Oh well.
Stuff...

[no_answer]

Sorry to be late commenting on the subject, but suffering and depression seems to be a healthy response by a human being conscious of the futility of individual existance and its overall significance on the scale of the Universe (the way it is portrayed by the modern scientific perspective). So, what Frame referred to in the comment on connection between depression and the sense of mastery of the future resonates with me very well here.
But, most of the people (at least from my healthily depressed perspective) are hopelessly sick escapists who somehow carry on living for the moment, or in anticipation of some short-term happy horizon (eg retirement, winning the lottery, turning the business around with a huge profit). Of course, there are other illnesses like deep religiousity that alleviates all the suffering by making it meaningful or redeeming in some way or another.
It is amazing how the illness that allowed the masses to ignore and rationalize the real state of the Universe became a healthy norm (not to say very useful convenience in running and developing a thriving modern human society). For a brief moment I understand Jim Jones (of Johnstown) as ethically revolting as he and his actions are to me.
Nonetheless, I'm willing to work hard to get ill the way the majority is...i'm just not confident if i can succeed, because i personally knew many "failures" as well, who were much more capable than myself to get "infected" but didn't.

[DarkHorseSpirit]

I'd been doing better the last couple of days, managed to go 2 days without getting angry and ranting imaginary conversations to myself. And then just now, I went to my partner with a problem with my ipod, I started to say something, he interrupted, I said, 'which I was about to say, if you'd let me finish my sentence, ' and he was all 'AlRight, So-Rry', in a sarcastic, bitchy voice, like it was my fault that he'd interrupted me and not waited for me to finish and how dare I point this out to him. So now I'm in tears. Sometimes I wonder if he even likes me any more, but I'm afraid to ask in case he, well, now that you ask, no, actually. This is about the 4th time in the last 6 months that he's said something that hurts me. I think I should just shut up now.

[fallen]

remember there are people who care on here, i am sorry you are going through this.
take care

[DarkHorseSpirit]

I'm thinking maybe I should go and see someone, about my passive aggressiveness. I think it's what pisses my partner off, after 18 years+ of it. I know it's from childhood issues. I know I should be able to deal with it by now, being nearly 52. But I obviously can't. I don't know how. I have looked it up on the net, but it's always vague and doesn't seem to quite apply to my situation. Unless anyone knows of a good place, or Youtube video that deals with it. But I think I would only go to a therapist if they'd promise me that they'd give me notes about our sessions. I've been to therapists before, about various things and I couldn't tell you a single damn thing about what was said.

[fallen]

a hypnotherapist would be able to help, it helped me with my anger issues...etc....
take care