Can someone her me?

[Sonya The Depressed]

Well hi. It's me again

After i post my story i fell a sleep.

And when i woke up i saw two replays on my post.

It made my heart do two backflips...thank you.

The first person replied made me smile, thank you for your kindness.

The person said you're not alone. Thank you too, it's good to hear from a another person.

Now i know im not alone but it doesn't change the fact i need to talk to somebody.

Also I'm writing this because incase i decide to kill myself, at least i want to leave something to this world.

I think of suicide everyday.

I hate every single one in this school.

School is my hell, My house is my prison and my room is my cell.

I want everyone in my class to go to hell. Everyone.

But they can't, cuz there already in replica of hell and there the devils. There so fake!

Everyone is so fake.

Every night i think of suicide because of them.

I'm thinking about ways to kill me.

Maybe i can cut my neck off, maybe i can make scars on my wrist or maybe i just hang myself.

I can't sleep till 5 am sometimes. Why? Because my head fills with lots of depression.

One time i locked myself into my room. I think it was last week...

I promised myself i never get out from this cell. Never eat anything. Hell! i didn't even want to shower!

But I'm not gonna lie, i be a such coward when it comes to suicidal things.

I want to but i cant! It kills me.
I had my first panic attack.

I was crying then it become more painful...like whenever i sob i felt like my inside we're ripping off itself.

Everything around me start to become more gray and more blurry and suddenly my breathing fastened and I was crying hysterically...everything went black for a second. Then i snap back to reality...I was breathing so fast and I was shaking...i couldn't feel my head.

I was rocking back and forth in my corner.

Whenever i feel like i need to cry i sit on the corners or i throw myself to a bed...but corners makes me feel safe...i don't know why.

That time i realize, I was loosing my sanity.

"My high school test is coming maybe that's why I'm depressed..."

I asked myself this everyday.

But no. My depression is not about that...it's about something i don't know.

Well if you look at that my high school test is tomorrow.

I don't feel anything anymore.

I feel like a lost soul.

Thank you for reading.

If you can please answer some of my questions:

-Did i really had a panic attack?

-Why did it happened?

-Is it normal that i cry everyday?

-Do you have a advice for me to stop my depression?

I really want to talk about my problems to a person...but there's nobody.

I write it but i can't write everything.

I'm out.

[SilentWaters]

Let me try to answer your questions first. I'll apologize now, because my answers may be useless, but its all I know.

It is very common for depression sufferers to cry all the time, often for no reason too. And yes I believe you may have had a panic attack. It was likely because of your state of mind at the time. You say you were crying before it happened, whatever you were thinking off to make you cry created so much fear in your mind that it caused a panic attack. I haven't had a panic attack in many years but I remember it is a very scary thing to go through. Now this is only my opinion, I could be wrong, there are many things that can cause panic attack symptoms.

As for how to take away depression... there just is no easy answer to that one. There are many things that help you to cope with it but there just isn't any quick cure. There are medications and therapies that really do help... but you'd have to speak to a doctor or psychologist for those. Aside from that I would suggest a few lifestyle changes. Little things like keeping a journal about your depression, eating healthy meals, never ever skipping a meal and drinking enough water. Sleep is very important too. If the brain does not rest enough it can actually make depression so much worse. Doing some exercise every day works too. The best option may be to see a psychologist AND try to do those little things.

The problem with depression is that it makes even these little things very hard to do. Depression makes it very hard to do anything. So it's not a very useful answer to your question. Sorry. There just isn't an easy answer.

[SilentWaters]

Aside from that I just want to say that my heart breaks when I think of what you go through every day. Being in school is hard enough without having depression too. I understand that sometimes it seems better to be dead... but you have to remember that school ends and things change. If you leave now you'll miss out on the good things that will still happen to you. I know how empty it sounds. Just humour me, stay and talk to us. Tell us all about you and let us tell you about us. We can share our fears and our dreams and just sit and chat. We'll do whatever we can to support you

[Sonya The Depressed]

[quote="SilentWaters"]Aside from that I just want to say that my heart breaks when I think of what you go through every day. Being in school is hard enough without having depression too. I understand that sometimes it seems better to be dead... but you have to remember that school ends and things change. If you leave now you'll miss out on the good things that will still happen to you. I know how empty it sounds. Just humour me, stay and talk to us. Tell us all about you and let us tell you about us. We can share our fears and our dreams and just sit and chat. We'll do whatever we can to support you[/quote]

Thank you so much for giving me advice! Today i tried to do things like you said. First i played with my little sister. She got really shocked when I asked her "do you want me to play with you?" When I asked her why did she got shocked she said "cuz sis you started to act like a ghost since we came here and I was worried about you...my mom said its alright but I know you're not happy! I can hear when you cry...your my big sis and i love you so much! If you're not happy, I will take you to a another place with my magical pony." Then she hugged me...her eyes were filled with water...well mines too.

Then I tried to act like i didn't move houses. I weared my fav hoodie and brushed my hair...i was really shocked when i saw my hair was a complete mess!

Then I got out from the house, for the first time i realized how everything was beautiful...sky was baby blue and clouds was whiter than anything i saw!
I felt like a kid that never saw outside...and then...i smiled...after 3 months of hell, I smiled for the first time!

I can't thank you enough...my world is still bit gray but now i don't feel bored anymore...or dizzy...hell! not even feel depressed!

But I know i will be depressed when i go back to school.

But again thanks, for helping me escape my prison.

[SilentWaters]

I'm so glad you found my words of some help. Keep doing the little things that keep you healthy and connected with people and you'll be just fine. It's just such great news that you're feeling a bit better. The sky really is stunning when you really look at it . Stay strong, school only lasts a few years then you're free, until then feel free to come and vent to us about it.

[heavyheart38]

Thats one of the most awesome things i have read for a long time

[CrazyLady17]

I think of suicide every day too, but..... It's not the end of the world! We CAN all get through it and I'm glad some people could make you feel a little better. I do hope your okay!

(((Hugs)))