borderline personality disorder

[jane123]

I think I might have this. The symptoms:

you have emotions that are up and down (for example, feeling confident one day and feeling despair another), with feelings of emptiness and often anger
you find it difficult to make and maintain relationships
you have an unstable sense of identity, such as thinking differently about yourself depending on who you are with
you take risks or do things without thinking about the consequences
you fear being abandoned or rejected or being alone
you sometimes believe in things that are not real or true (called delusions) or see or hear things that are not really there (called hallucinations).

Sometimes I feel like myself, then I have a sudden change in my brain.. and I feel like I'm not there at all, like I don't remember who I am or how to start conversations. Its like things aren't real.

I havnt been diagnosed by a doctor, but my symptoms are similar to those described above.

I feel so lost in this world. Complete misfit when I'm in the mental state when 'I'm not myself/ther at all'. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyday is too long, i cant take it

[LetoAtreides]

I think I might have this. The symptoms:

you have emotions that are up and down (for example, feeling confident one day and feeling despair another), with feelings of emptiness and often anger
you find it difficult to make and maintain relationships
you have an unstable sense of identity, such as thinking differently about yourself depending on who you are with
you take risks or do things without thinking about the consequences
you fear being abandoned or rejected or being alone
you sometimes believe in things that are not real or true (called delusions) or see or hear things that are not really there (called hallucinations).

Sometimes I feel like myself, then I have a sudden change in my brain.. and I feel like I'm not there at all, like I don't remember who I am or how to start conversations. Its like things aren't real.

I havnt been diagnosed by a doctor, but my symptoms are similar to those described above.

I feel so lost in this world. Complete misfit when I'm in the mental state when 'I'm not myself/ther at all'. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyday is too long, i cant take it

I wouldn't rush to self-diagnose yourself based on symptoms. They are always very generic statements, that most people might find apply to them sometimes. I got myself worried recently looking online thinking I had symptoms of cancer, based on a red mark on my leg, but it was just a burst blood vessel. So, if you really think you have a problem like this, see someone in the know about these things, or maybe there are some people on here who you could message. Qualified counsellors and such like are better than standard doctors also I would say for this kind of thing.

By the looks of what you are saying it sounds you are going through a stressful time in your life. There may be some things in your day to day life where you could make changes to remove certain stresses?

I hope you get a better idea of things soon, all the best with it.

[Frame]

Hi Jane; nice to hear from you again.

I think we all have our delusions; I've probably asked more than once, where would we be without our delusions? Of course some are more severe than others. And some are dangerous, but we have to rely on each other to keep our heads from floating off like balloons. The fact that you know you have them tells me you have some clarity.

Hallucinations, on the other hand, are more troubling. Hallucinations are chemically rooted. And whenever I think chemistry I think about nutritional balance. Back in August, you had asked about vitamins. I wonder how that went. All of the people around me who have experienced, for what ever reason, severely imbalanced nutrition have all experienced mental imbalances as well. But it's not limited to the brain; all our organs can suffer from nutritional imbalance.

And once personality disorder becomes an issue, diet and nutrition get that much harder to control independently. I'm sorry if this is just adding to your anxiety. But I can't stress enough how balanced nutrition helps and imbalanced nutrition is like a constant force pulling us of balance in other ways. People think; "I've been eating this way for years, I'm fine.", but our bodies can take a lot before it catches up to us.

Maybe I'm totally off on this. I'm not a medical professional. What do you think? Have you been taking those vitamins?

[Alaska1958]

Yeah, I certainly qualify on most of those symptoms. I suspect several of them could be applied to most people, at least some times.

It's nice, though, to dream of being something other than the chronic depressive I've been for so long.

[jane123]

@Leo
I get what your saying - a lot of the described symptoms could apply to depressive people alone, however, I think this applies to me as my depression in my opinion comes as a result of the personality disorder. Its a state of mind I can go through where I am not myself, almost as if my soul/personality has left my body and something else enters me. My mind blanks out and I can spend long periods of time alone, having no thoughts and little brain activity. I get detatched from people and myself, not feeling love or care for anyone or anything like in inhuman. In more 'normal' states of minds, I'm happy, talkative etc. Its like being 2 people - not in a crazy crazy way i.e. split/multiple personalities but unusal brain activity or something!
Also, in this low state I don't hallucinate (to clarify) but I may have dellusions e.g. I can sometimes start imagining a 'happy' situation in my head, as if I'm there - some sort of escapism I'm guessing.

@Frame
hello, what do you mean by 'we all have dellusions', do most depressive people really have dellusions.
Also, I think in some situations diet helps. Not all though. I did/am trying the vitamins. Its almost been a month, however, no particular changes yet apart from my hair and nails being healthier, which is lovely lol but not the thing I'm after here.

@Alaska - yes I often can just fantasise about a situation which is more appealing than real life, im guessing that counts as a delusion?

[jane123]

apologies for the italics, don't know what happened there!

[Frame]

hello, what do you mean by 'we all have dellusions', do most depressive people really have dellusions.
Also, I think in some situations diet helps. Not all though. I did/am trying the vitamins. Its almost been a month, however, no particular changes yet apart from my hair and nails being healthier, which is lovely lol but not the thing I'm after here.

I mean, everyone has delusions. It is human to convince ourselves things in the face of contrary evidence. Sometimes the facts all conflict. Sometimes we want to believe in an outcome that just doesn't seem possible. (That is delusion but it's also the foundation for great change.) Sometimes we just can't face the reality of what's happening. That's one way of coping.

[fallen]

i just had to say i am really glad you have noticed a difference as far as your hair and nails are concerned that just shows your body was deficient .good on you for taking the vitamins.
when the body is fed nutrients it has not got in a while it takes care of your physical then the extra will go to your mind but it takes time and is long term.
in my opinion you have depression that is all, every depressed person i know says what you have said, but get diagnosed.
remember it is okay to be a bit crazy, there would be no art, poems, music, novels, or inventions. they were all a bit bonkers. but without such people the world would not have as much colour as it does today.
take care

[jane123]

Thanks fallen. I get what your saying and totally agree about the world needing 'bonkers' people lol but my problem is not impacting in a positive way to society. I sit, anxiety stricken by myself a lot. I cut friends off because of feeling depersonalised - imagine the feeling of things not feeling real -such emotions only serve to hold me back. I don't mean to be pessimistic, just truthful. I feel like I don't understand conversations now and life is just confusing. I'm feeling very depersonalised. It's scary. I just want his dark cloud to pass :/

The vitamins idea is good though, to anyone. I think most people are deficient without realising.

[jane123]

Frame - how are you doing these days?

[Frame]

Today, right now, I've feel like taken poison. I have a friend who is going off on a manic depressive spree. And I'm usually there to give support; I was there this morning when he wanted to vent. But I wasn't really there; my insides are churning. He knew it and he wanted to help.

He wanted me to tell him what was wrong. But he has no idea. He just can't relate. He hasn't been alive long enough; just doesn't know what real responsibility is. To tell him what was really on my mind would freak him out or hurt him. So I hurt him by mot telling him. He wanted me to share. He's in no condition to listen even if he could understand.

Talk about delusions; this is a wonderful person, very talented, deep down a very good soul, sensitive and empathetic, selfish and narcissistic too. [Try and work that one out.] But he lives his live more in delusion than in reality because he is not equipped to handle reality. I can't say I blame him.

This Monday just won't get started. I think I need to lay down.

[jane123]

It's not easy giving support when you need it yourself. Why didn't you tell him, was it because you don't think he could handle it since he has a big problem of his own? Why were you feeling low today?

I know exactly what you mean by being there but not really being there.. I feel like that all the time

[Frame]

I'm so stressed out I can't think straight. And I can't differentiate what is the main problem. I had a restful Sunday a good nights sleep. I haven't been eating too badly (relative, I do take vitamins religiously though. More religiously than religion.)

I do have cause for concern. My head is like a Bobo doll. No one is punching me yet. But I can't set out priorities and go to work. I can't tamp down the the feeling of imminent disaster.

[jane123]

Hi frame. Sorry for the late reply not been feeling too good. I know how hard it is to keep on track with life and work wen u feel like this, makes me think people like us with such problems should be able to get better support/ more easily accessible support, especially in relation to work.

I'm guessing its the anxiety making you feel this kind of 'disaster' state?
I'm starting to feel this fatigue and dislike of being around people again. So tired mentally and my head feels weird.

still taking the vitamins though..

[karolanne]

Hi jane,

I'm diagnosted with borderline personnality disorder, and other things too LOL

I don't know how old you are, but here is a tip maybe that can help you : all the psychiatrists I saw about that disorder told me that most of the symptoms start when you're a teenager. And those symptoms tends to be less present while you get older.

When I was a child and a teenager, I spend a lot of time dreaming in my head, imagining a better life, a better me. It's apparently a good sign of that disorder (that is what I was told by a psychiatrist). But I met some people that seems to be depressed doing that too, so...

Take care.