Lifelong Depression Because of Speech

[WalterBB]

Hello everyone.

This is my very first time going to one of these forums and talking about my problems but just thought I would go for it and give it a try. I just feel like talking to someone. I am thirty years old and I have been extremely depressed most of my life, since middle school I would say. Lately it has gotten worst. I have never told anyone, not even my family, and no one suspects that I am depressed. I guess I hide it well. There are a few reasons as to why I am depressed. The main one is my speech impairment. It's a speech block more than a stutter. I have had speech problems all of my life and even though it has gotten a lot better as I have gotten older, it will never be perfect. My speech is 70% fluent and I can communicate effectively, people understand me ok, but sometimes the speech block happens. My other problem is my lack of relationships, especially with women. I have never had a girlfriend or been in love. I know this is hard to believe but it is true. This is just as depressing as my speech problem, sometimes even more.

I just feel like I will be a "loner" all of my life. Sure, I have friends but nothing that I would consider a close friendship. Sigh. It is so damn depressing. I am not hideous, I am way better good looking than some of the guys I see, I finally have a good job (federal government employee for nearly five years, I get outstanding performance evaluations and outperform some of my co-workers, even with my speech problem, it does not affect my job), I am a person with average intelligence, I am college graduate (B.S. I want to go for my Master of Science but I do not have the money), I am such a good, caring person, but I feel like I will never have a girlfriend, a wife, children because of my speech and quiet personality. I do not think I have held a conversation longer than 20 minutes in my life. I just have not been sociable. I want to but cannot because of my speech.

Don't know what to do anymore. My interests include running, working out, bicycling, going to concerts, going to sporting events. I actually enjoy the company of other people and WANT to be around other people. As I am typing this, (I am at a local book store) there is a pretty, attractive woman sitting across from me. With my problems, I do not think I will ever get a shot to be in a relationship with a pretty woman like that. That is extremely depressing to think about. Tears are actually coming out of as I am typing this. No, I am not a harm to others or my self because of my depression. I would never do something to harm others, or myself.

Good people always get screwed.

If anyone can help with suggestions on what I can do I would appreciate it.

Please help me!!!!!!

[Alaska1958]

I would take exception to the statement that good people always get screwed. For most of my 55 years I think I've been regarded as a pretty nice guy and while it's seldom helped me go home with a pretty girl, I do think it's helped me out a lot in life. Mostly I'd say my problems with women have, much as in your case, been about my own lack self confidence. I also lack much of a sense of drive or ambition. That may, or may not, apply to you.

For many of us here on this forum it seems to be true that few of us feel that we have had many (often none) good close friends. I suspect that the same may be true of most people in the world. My dad lived to be 90 and spent most of his life here in our small city. I know he was very well respected, well liked, he was active in several local social organizations. But in all the years I knew him I can't hardly remember any friends of his who would come over to our home or meet him at a restaurant or bar. Nobody who he spoke of who he ever did anything with. On tv we see these kinds of relationships often, think of Friends or Big Bang Theory, almost any of the popular comedy shows.

I won't keep on about it. I know how helpful it is to have a good friend. For all the years I was married I really didn't have friends outside of my family. My wife did, several old college girlfriends that she kept up with. When she divorced me I was desolate and desperate for friends. Fortunately I've been able to rekindle some old friendships and make a few knew ones.

I'm glad you're staying active and you certainly sound more than "just average" intelligence. Try to get active in a few new groups or hobbies. Something that will make you interact with people. It will help you make a few new friends and you never know when you will meet a woman who you "click" with.

Write more anytime, I wish you well.

[4EverMe]

Hi Walter,
I'm glad you've found a place through which to reach out! It's nice to be heard when most everything around us is chaotic and fast-paced. Seems hardly anyone slows down just to talk...to even listen! This site is like a God-send to me.
To be honest, I really do believe that you'll find that 'special someone.' It's just a matter of meeting her at the right place-- at the right time. Relationships I've had, whether friendships or something more, arose when least expected! This is usually how it works. You seem like a person with a lot to give, but just waiting for that chance. Keep your chin up, be confident, and keep in mind the positive attributes you've to offer; Don't focus on the speech impairment. This isn't what defines you. As a human being, you are much more than that! If you KNOW this, others will stop and take notice too. Something occurred to me. The last thing you want is for a woman (whom you like) to fear that if she spoke to you, SHE would be the cause of any awkward discomfort!

[4EverMe]

One of my most attractive uncles had a speech impairment that could have been a hinderance to him- If he'd let it. But he didn't allow it to rob him of self-confidence. Rather, he served as a pilot in the Air Force to later retire as a pilot for American Airlines. He courted, then married his wife of whom he's been married to now for over twenty years. His speech impairment is close to gone. Just wanted to add this to what I've written above.

Thanks for posting, and I wish you all the best!

[failmenot]

Hi there - have you thought about taking a class from pick up artists (PUA)? I know they have bad reputations but sounds like more than anything else, you need confidence boost and that's what PUA teach.

Btw let me tell you: a guy who doesn't talk would be a dream for a woman like me cuts I'm not good at conversations at all. So there are women out there who wouldn't mind the speech issue.[/quote]