Dealing with life

[Christina7s]

Here's my problem: I'm not a victim of bullying in any form. People will think that i should be grateful but i think that sometimes what i feel is worse. The pressure, anxiety and worried feelings it gives me. I'm not very "popular" let's put it this way. Don't get me wrong i have awesome friends and stuff but i'm not the person that other people would call as popular. And i don't really want to become popular i just want to be MORE happy. Everytime i change my profile picture on facebook i worry about how many likes i would get and i know that it eats my soul away and it's not good for my psychology.So whenever i change the photo i can't stop thinking about what'll happen and every time i log on and expect to have a t least some likes and see i have none i automatically fall into a kind of depression. I hate what it does to me but i can't change it and i can't stop thinking about it either. Others seems to have many likes so why not me? I know that people say 'they will judge anyway and to just not pay attention to what people say and think about you but it really is not so easy as i thought it will be. As human beings we need to be sociable in order to be healthy therefore interaction with other people is one of our most basic things. I know that poeple will talk, judge and gossip and especially teenagers. I do it sometimes but not in a mean way. Some people on the other hand are just plain mean . And i also know that they'll tell me not to pay attention to them and that people like them don't deserve me (stuff like that) but it's one thing i don't get. Why are these people the popular,loved,with lots of friends,good grades(sometimes) and good-looking etc. Why should other people suffer if they don't fall in those standards? and i know that i must accept myself as i am and i do but why most people treat other like this? And please don't say that "life is unfair". I demand a better explanation and i deserve it after all, or should i say "we" deserve it because a lot of people must think like this. I can't really say that i have serious depression or suicidal thoughts but i can't stand the feeling i get everythime i go online . I HATE facebook. And it's not like i can deactivate my account because if i do so then people will talk even more for sure. I know that my problem might not be as important and serious as others but it's what bothers me.

[Frame]

OK, so I won't say life is unfair Christina. But I will say there's no rule saying it has to be. But there is a rule... I read a book recently; "Engineering Happiness". These two geeks made up rules (eight I think) for happiness and the first is: Happiness = reality - expectations.

So, your reality is your reality. OK, you have some control but let's say it is what it is. On the other side of the minus side you have "popular,loved,with lots of friends,good grades(sometimes) and good-looking etc." With the exception of grades (and I think these are pretty arbitrary also) the rest of these values are all judgements. They are not pinned to facts and we really can't see inside to what people are feeling. Even when they tell us, they're telling us what they want us to know, not the whole story.

So what's my point; expectations are illusory and can change (and will change). And if you believe that equation we all may give our happiness value a bump by realizing other people may not be (or feel) as popular or loved or beautiful as we initially give them credit. As our expectations drop we may find our contentment rise.

[4EverMe]

That last sentence you wrote, Frame, I especially like.

The other day, facebook was a subject discussed on the news, and what they said was pretty interesting. Much of what was spoken is also true. facebook IS overrated, as are many social media sites. I've noticed that a person's Facebk page can actually contribute to their popularity status! Ridiculous. Christine, I'm not going to place you in any category, of course. I'm only speaking of FB in general. On the news they brought up something interesting about the alter-ego, and how so many who are using FB to be 'popular' are creating ridiculous pages to garner the attention of others. It's like a contest to see how many people they can impress. Most people on FB depict their lives much differently than it actually is;They want people to believe what their alter-egos throw out there. I have a cpl friends like this. Their FB page looks great, but their friendships dissolve because they have problems communicating in reality. They exist in a media fantasy!

[4EverMe]

Just to add...One of these friends of mine has been trying (almost obsessively) to get me on facebook. I asked her what the main point is of even getting a fb page. She responded, "So you can be in contact with all your friends! And WE can be in contact too! We can send pictures..." etc. I still couldn't 'get it' because I'm already in contact with those I love--and with my friend, who wants me on FB. Haha!. We talk over the phone, and sometimes txt and email to send pictures. This friend of mine showed me her FB page, and I could see that her facebook life was much different than her actual life. But I guess sites like these are awesome $$ makers.

[Christina7s]

The fact about being in contact with friends etc, in my opinion it does the opposite thing as it brings more people apart than to bring them closer and I know all the things you mentioned but I guess I have a problem with fitting in and facebook is considered a part of teen life and fitting in even though personally I don't agree but this is what it takes to be more accepted by teen society which I guess is one of the most difficult things. And I definitely don't want walking down the corridors and people calling me a freak or anything. I don't want this to be turned into real bullying.

[4EverMe]

I feel so bad for you, Christina. Of course, I can also understand how you wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of 'real bullying.' This is called self-preservation- LOL! It's just maddening to me how our world is this shallow. Even more frustrating? It seems that it will only become worse. Why does it have to be either one way or another? Why can't we enjoy an increase in technology and ALSO keep normal lines of communication alive? Why does there have to be some sort of trade-off?
You're right about FB bringing more people apart than bringing them together. What's funny though? When this happens, people will just pour their obsessions into the whole FB thing even more, rather than realise that it was the actual issue that caused things to go awry to begin with! Oh well, just try to hang in there.