new, broken and cant see a way out

[mish]

Hi, im new here so apologise in advance for going straight in with my story. im quite simply broken and cant see a wait out of everything at the moment.

theres no easy way to tell my story but basically I was abused by my father (Sexually) from the age of 7 until I left home at 15 years old. Then it continued on and off when he could until around 21 years old. last june, after years of not seeing my family, I received a message from him, where he was threatening my 10 year old daughter. cutting a long story short, I went to his house to tell him not to threaten my daughter and he locked me in his garage and raped me. I was admitted to hospital with my injuries and I told one friend the night it happened. I also told my husband. it became too much for him and we split up although its turning nasty between us as he blames me for getting myself raped. on easter sunday he went to the police against my will and report the rape. (13 years ago I reported him and the police took no action so I had no faith in them) the police informed me that due to the severity of the attack they had already arrested my father and were taking action with or without my consent. I ended up, after much persuasion, giving a DVD statement to the police. Today they came around to say they aren't pressing charges as there isn't enough evidence to guarantee a guilty verdit so they are saving me from the hell that the court case would be.

I can not stop crying. I feel like my life is over now. a friend suggested I go to the Gps and ask for anti depresents but I feel like I don't want to get help.

I feel like im done. I cant fight the world anymore. I adore my children but cant live like this. what is the point to living?

[Frame]

Hi mish;

I can't begin to know what to say that would help; except I'm glad your here and talking about this. There are people here with empathy, people who may have experiences, who somehow may be able to relate.

To say I understand your feeling desperate, ignored, and betrayed seems so inadequate. But I want you to know that I, we care about your pain and the pain of those dear to you. I hope that you'll use this forum as a resource if it gives you a foot hold.

[fallen]

your children are the reason for living, you are there to protect them, to give them wisdom, to teach them about life the small things and the more complex subjects.
you are worthy to walk this planet like anyone else, you have gone through this pain and you have lived a life beyond this negative point. you are worthy to breath,to enjoy, to laugh, to cry, you are more than worthy to hold your head up high and feel strong and powerful.
i respect you for what you are now, for what you have been through and for what you will be.
be strong for you are strong,rise up from the ashes and be proud that you survived this torment, be proud of who you are.
i believe in you
take care

[mish]

thank you for your replies. I don't even know why im on here to be honest because my mind is telling me the only way to put an end to everything so why do I not just get on with it. I do live for my kids but lifes too hard and people always let you down. I cant take it repeatedly. everyone has their limits and ive reached mine

[Frame]

I certainly can't denounce you for your feelings. I've had them and I have much less to complain about. But I do have to say that; no matter how broken you are, or perhaps because your so broken, you have a unique gift to give to the world, not to mention that your really the only person who can help your children make any sense of they're world.

Let's face it, they're going to have a lot to sort through. But I urge you also to spend a little time looking into the lives of prominent important people, especially writers (although I'm not sure why I say this). It is the most broken people who have made the greatest contributions to the evolution of mankind.

So to end it now might end the pain (although we can't be sure of that either) but it won't help resolve any thing in your family, it will deny the continuity of generations (you might think that's a blessing but I think not), and it would deny the world an opportunity to hear your story. You have a powerful story which the world will be more fortunate to have heard.

[Numerology12]

I am a Numerology researcher. I have treated people of depression using Numerology. Its the process of changing ones name/name spellings. One has to write the name 30-40 times daily in a notebook. From 30 to 100 days, depressions or other disorders see considerable improvements.

People interested to join and follow the procedure are welcome

[4EverMe]

I agree that although you feel hopelessly defeated, you do have so much to offer others. First of all, it is obvious you have a caring heart. We need this in today's world. Please do not give up.

I'd like to add that I got involved in 'numerology' in my past. It took me some time to discover that faith placed in numbers and/or letters to help solve life's problems, is not a wise move. Hopefully, no one here falls into that same trap! I can only speak from a place of learning and experience. Take care.