Unloved

[DisasterStruck]

I'm not sure if I'm really depressed and if I should be here but here I am. I'm only 22 years old. I'm not sure where I should begin. I grew up feeling horrible about myself. I always felt like I was ugly, fat, & unloved. About 4 years ago I lost the weight & i actually started feeling pretty but I still haven't been able to get past my feelings of being unloved. My first love, the guy I lost my virginity to was always talking to other girls. I don't know how we lasted so long. It was probably because I didn't think anyone else would want me. (that was during my fat days) The next guy cheated on me left and right. That relationship didn't last long. The guy after that was too hung up on his ex, we fought all the time, and not to mention the fact that some of those fights got a little physical. The next guy I loved the most. My first "love" wasn't real love and the one hung up on his ex, well i just couldn't see us long term but this next guy I really loved and thought we'd really b together forever. I mean I had known him for 3 years prior to our romance & he wrote me the sweetest poems & told me that he wanted me forever. Our prior friendship only made it better. He stood me up from time to time and wasn't around as much as i needed him to be but he still seemed so perfect & my dad liked him. (my dad doesn't like anyone) And then one day he didn't show up when he was supposed to & it made me so mad. I was finally ready to tell him about the problems we had in our relationship. I felt like he owed me an apology so i decided to wait for him to come to me so we could discuss. A week went by & i heard nothing from him. A month, 3 months, 6 months. I never heard from him again. My friend, my boyfriend was gone & I was all alone again. looking back i wish I would have just texted or called him so it could have been resolved but thats that now. I went over a year just feeling numb & stupid. I talked to other guys but I never gained any real feelings for any of them until a little over a year later when I met this new guy. He texted me every single day, something I hadn't had in a while. We hung out, laughed, played video games, etc.. I finally started to feel something again. When we went a few days w/o talking once, in an effort not to repeat my mistakes, I texted him & got it all straightened out. Things were moving faster than they probably should have been but i was finally feeling something again & i was sure we'd end up together, officially. But then the last time I saw him things went exactly as they always do. We even kissed goodbye as we normally do. But later that night when we were texting I noticed he was texting me funny like he really didn't want to talk to me. but I didn't mention it. I figured we'd just talk about it the next day but like some weird deja vu he didn't text me the next day or the next day & now here we are exactly 2 weeks later & nothing. Part of me wonders if I should just text him. Am i repeating my mistakes? But on the other hand I feel like its just clear that he doesn't want me anymore. & here I am back to feeling like no one is ever going to want me. I've accomplished so much but all I really want is for someone to love me. My first love has a baby. The next guy is probably still sleeping around. The stuck on his ex guy is getting married in a couple of days. And the one I really loved has a girlfriend. He has her picture as his cover photo on his facebook (when we were together every time i asked him to change his facebook status he would ignore the text & eventually said it would cause drama. He clearly was just ashamed of me). I see so many happy people round me & i just wonder if I will ever get to join them. I keep wondering whats wrong with me & why no one wants me. I just feel like life isn't worth living like this, so unhappy. I'm just so tired of feeling like shit all the time. I hate feeling so bad about myself. The fact that I just typed all of this honestly makes me feel even more pathetic.

[saragupta]

Hey hi
welcome to this forum.

And first of all, stop feeling pathetic about urself after putting here everything so honestly. It requires so much courage to find ur own mistakes rather than just putting everything on others one or the other way. I am not saying this just to console u but really!
It shows that u really want to figure out Wat went wrong, u r willing to make some amendments in ur nature and attitude so that u can have a better future.

Rest, i would like to write u as pm. That is personal message. Telling u coz u r new to this forum.

But before that could u plz tell me about ur family and Wat u r doing professionally doing job or u r in college! I want to help u!

[Alaska1958]

Hi there,

I think most of us want to feel loved and wanted. Most especially the people who frequent this forum. I certainly do. Relationships are a pain in the ass, but feeling unwanted is worse.

As far as the last guy you mentioned, I think you should contact him and find out what happened. People do just lose interest sometimes and ignoring you might just be his way ending the relationship without drama, but it would be good to have proper closure.

Good luck dear

[DisasterStruck]

Thanks for both of your encouraging words. Sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I'm just still trying to adjust to sharing all of this about myself.