great day gone to waste.

[_Ihatethislife/:]

today was so amazing.. it was perfect and now i feel all depressed again, i dont understand why this always happens to me. i was happy, smiling & laughing. and now all i want to do is self-harm, the urge to self-harm is still there. ah, i hate this -.- .

[dougsan]

Yeah, what is it that takes us from the top of the mountain and down to the bottom of despair without a pause? The triggers for me are reading about someone being hurt by a person in a rage stage similiar to mine, or a person having the same problems with his/her family as I did, etc. I know all my triggers but knowing them doesn't keep them from throwing me into despair.

[DaemonOfLowell]

It's very difficult to articulate, but I think when you have a particularly good time (especially if it's amid an otherwise darker period in your life), returning to what is normal for you (in my case, I'm referring to stretches of despondency) just creates a clash between two very disparate emotional states, and your mind/heart cannot reconcile the extremes. At least that is my experience. Now that I am older (41), I try to be particularly guarded after spending time with friends when I'm in the midst of a deeper depression, to avoid crashes I'm also quite familiar with. You just can't hold onto a feeling, as much as you want to, so those are the times where I have to move on to something new, whatever that may be: new music, new book, even some new people maybe. above all, new challenge of some kind, no matter how small. I know how hard it is, I really do -- but you have to keep moving.

Feel better.

"Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep moving. No feeling is final." - Rainer Maria Rilke

[dougsan]

DaemonOfLowell, I like what you offered.