Its my Birthday, and it feels like Im invisible

[outdoorwoman84]

Its my Birthday. Sure Ive gotten a lot of posts on facebook, but no personal calls yet. a text or 2, but nothing too special. A guy I guess im sorta seeing was supposed to come see me last night, he dropped off contact from 4 until 10 something, then tells me he got mandated to work.. no notification or anything.. and I haven't even gotten a Happy Birthday from him... Am I really not worth it? This is just the tip of the iceberg of my current story. Depression and stressed nearly ate me alive from Oct-1st of Jan... really bad situation. I thought I was doing ok, but Im not. I want to give up on everything. I just got a new job and this is the end of my second week. Im already having doubts and already not happy. I want to just give up... The place I was working at before was ok... but the person who caused my pain from Oct-Jan works there and I just cant bear to deal or see it anymore.. Im about ready to crack... I cant sleep, I tried seeing a counselor for awhile but she just listened and didnt do much else than that. Im not ok... Im really not and I feel about as useless as a white crayon. I thought that maybe this was going to be the job for me, at least money wise, which it would be, but im really not happy already. Im lonely and empty and dont have any fight left in me anymore... no im not suicidal, I cant do that, but I dont even feel alive anymore and I don't feel anyone really gives a shit. I hate everything and the world.. I give everything and get nothing back... No one is willing to give me what I deserve.. Where the hell did I go wrong?? I dont even know what the hell im doing or where my life is going anymore... Sometimes I feel like just walking into a hospital and telling them Im crazy and need help, but then people would really judge me, and I know thats one of my big problems. I care what people think, I wonder what people think about me.. I cant be mean or a bitch to anyone, its just not in my nature... Sometimes even on these I feel like Im not gonna get anything out of it... Who is really gonna care? no one.. we are all alone in this world and no one gives a shit

[hollyann]

((((((outdoorwoman)))))))) I'm sorry I wish you were having a better birthday. Happy birthday though. You are worth it. Just sometimes it takes a while to find people that realize you worth. Are you on any medications? Sounds like you didnt have the right counselor. You might want to consider trying again with someone else. Like meds, the right counselor can work wonders.

It can be very hard dealing with other think of you, but its more important what you think of yourself. If you think positive things about yourself sometimes others will too. There is no shame in needing help.

There are a lot of caring people here and if you want/need you can always check on the chatroom too. It's always open.

Hugs
hollyann

[crystalgaze]

Happy Birthday!!

[somberone]

Yeah--Happy, Happy Birthday! (Lucky for you you have a job too) they aren't easy to come by! LIVE IT UP! (Hope your birthday gets better)!