I thought I'd share something with you that might be obvious to some but was something I never really thought about until my Dr told me. Once she did, I had a "duh" moment and it suddenly made perfect sense. It still took me a while to finally come to terms with it though.
Alcohol is a depressant and is one of the more counterproductive things someone who's suffering from depression can put in their body. At least the amount it takes to numb yourself every night. I definitely understand anyone who uses it for the whole numbing/sedation effect. I know I did and still do a lot of times. It's something that helps push away the depression, even if for a short time. I've never considered myself an alcoholic by any means but I went thru a long period of drinking myself to sleep pretty much every night. I'm the guy who whenever the fog got too thick would automatically start thinking about getting home at night and getting into the bottle. Whatever positive effect we all think it has for the short term is definitely wiped out by the next morning. Not only that but it contributes to putting you in a deeper hole than you would have been in anyway.
The first time I went to see a psychiatrist for some meds, I told her how much I drank every night. As I've mentioned in some earlier post, you gotta be totally honest if you expect any kind of help. Plus, its not like I had anything to lose. I really could have cared less if she some how wanted to judge me for what I was doing. I thought it was working for me and to hell with anyone that thought otherwise. Nobody knows what we're going thru except those that are going thru it too. Anyway, after I told her the amount, she said she wouldn't treat me unless I stopped. She said that I'd be throwing my money away on meds and sessions with her because alcohol contributes to a constant cycle of depression.
After talking with her it all made sense to the left side of my brain but the right side said some Jack or a bottle or two of red wine every night would help me sleep and help me forget how miserable I was. As I said, the next morning was just a continuation of the falling that wasn't getting any better. I told her I'd stop just so she'd prescribe me the meds. I figured the meds plus the alcohol would be an even better sedative. As much as I came to rely on the drinking to get me through, I figured out pretty quick that I wasn't getting any better and needed something else.
Something else I noticed pretty quick after getting on the meds...Alcohol isn't tasting so good anymore. Not sure if theres something in the meds that doesn't mix with alcohol but its definitely not a psychological thing. Alcohol just tastes different. I've cut way back to just a couple of drinks with dinner every once in a while. I still have the occasional down night where I have a few too many just to sleep but nothing even close to before.
Like I said, this might be something thats pretty obvious to some of you but didn't really register with me at first. If you're someone that never really thought about this and are drinking a lot to numb the pain, just think about the cycle your putting yourself in. I know you're looking at ways to help deal with what your going thru. I'm right there with you. I'm not so sure that it would have even made a difference to hear this until I was ready to make a difference. This whole miserable condition we deal with takes a lot of baby steps to slowly get to even a manageable position. You never know when that one small idea will be the one that helps you decide to make that first step.
Just wanted to share with you...
Depression+Alcohol=Depression
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Alcohol and Depression
Thank you for this post. It really resonates with me since I've gone through a very similar thing: my psychiatrist also told me he would cut me off unless I quit drinking, started to go to AA meeting daily and got a sponsor. Furthermore, he wanted me to go through a rehabilitation treatment. I decided to go against his advise. Firstly because AA was not working for me, and secondly because I wasn't ready to give up alcohol entirely. After having tried two different kinds of meds I stopped those entirely too. I think the drinking was rendering those useless for me anyway.
I has been almost four years now since I accepted it as a fact that I am an alcoholic and that I should not drink at all. I was using it in exactly the same way you were, as a sedative at night, sometimes keeping it within reasonable limits, and sometimes overdoing it and feeling very bad the next day. But it was the increasing amount of day drinking that made it clear to me that I needed to stop entirely and never touch it again. I have been sober now for a month exactly and intend to keep it that way.
The depression sets in with regular intervals, however, and sometimes causes me to want to drink. But it cannot happen.
I has been almost four years now since I accepted it as a fact that I am an alcoholic and that I should not drink at all. I was using it in exactly the same way you were, as a sedative at night, sometimes keeping it within reasonable limits, and sometimes overdoing it and feeling very bad the next day. But it was the increasing amount of day drinking that made it clear to me that I needed to stop entirely and never touch it again. I have been sober now for a month exactly and intend to keep it that way.
The depression sets in with regular intervals, however, and sometimes causes me to want to drink. But it cannot happen.
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