work has destroyed my marriage

[timchef]

I am a chef and have been married for 3 years to an amzing woman, but 2 weeks ago she said the rudiculous hours I work , total exhaustion on days off and lack of wantingbto do anything is enough, im a shadow of the guy she fell in love with and she doesnt know if she can carry on, she wanted me tonmove out and give her time to think

My world has been blown apart by this

My doctor has signed me off work ( I was on my notice period and will not be returning there ) I have been prescribed anti depressants , my wife and I have been talking, had couple of datex and a week on sundaybi am moving back home although for now into the spare room.
I have been guilty of working and feeling trapped in a job I hated, having spoken withnfriends and family I have found that so many of them have gone through this too. I just hope I can beat this and win back her love and happiness

We became complacent to just watch tv , text others etc and not talk to each other, theres so much I want to do now that I can see what work has made me , but im also remibded that I mustnt suffocate her, she still needs space to do ger own thing with new friends and so must I, I just have vouces and thoughts constantly running through my mibd telling me tge worst thats going to happen if she goes and plays pool with a new male friend, or if shes out for drinks with a group of friends. Showing I trust her and her being happy socialusing I hope will nake things easier at home but I also want us to develop the bonds we had from years ago,

[soul]

i hope things work out better for you, i actually dream of becoming a chef myself but i decided already that i would only cook as a hobbie, i truly admire chefs and therefore, i admire you. its good to show that you trust in her, in that way im sure it can make you both happy. i would advice you to spend some time with her some weekend if you can, maybe go on a small trip or have a walk. I would also advice you to watch a movie called "Fireproof"

best of luck
soul

[metaLarsllica]

((((((((((( Hugs )))))))))))

I'm glad to hear that things are starting to work out. Remember it only takes a spark to light a fire. Sometimes we run out of kindling, and just need to take a step back and go get more.


Meta

[crystalgaze]

I think it can be done..... !! (that everything will work out...)

It's the same issue I have had with my boyfriend of 2 years whom I wouldn't mind marrying. He doesn't even make time for, um, well you know.... LOVE in any form..... I'm lucky if I can get him to talk to me on the phone for 5 minutes. (I can often say what I want to say in 1 to 3 minutes or less.)

I know work is necessary. It's just that that's not all there is to life or that it shouldn't be all there is to life, I feel.... (Work + Play ---> Balance?)

As long as the effort is there on your part and her part, it should work!


My boyfriend doesn't ask me questions, so now I just tell him stuff.

(e.g. If we fight, we shouldn't go to bed angry with each other. We should really try not to be angry with each other for too long.

I even told him I didn't care if he were mad at me everyday, as long as we talked, that he expressed what was bothering him. If it's always understood we loved each other, the problem would go away with time.)

I applaud you; you've done the right thing to stop & tend to your marriage!

[sunforyou]

hmmm... sorry for saying this but I think your wife is very selfish. You did the work you didnt like to provide your family, to make her feel comfortable..and yes..this work exhausted you. She fell in love with the guy who had no family and any responsabilities, but once he got married of course, he changed. And this shows what a great person you are and how you can sacrify your life and energy for the those you love.
Its the easiest desicion to ask someone to move out. Did she ever ask you or have you ever told her that you dont like this job?
Remember the wedding vows - in joys and sorrows? she was looking only after her own feelings..your sorrows were something that didnt let her to live as she wanted.
think carefully, if you really want back woman who thinks only about her own comfort?

[sunforyou]

one more thing...if you dont like your work, sooner or later you will feel tired, exhausted, depressed. So instead of thinking how to get her back, think what you would really like to do in your life, to focus your thoughts on what kind of work you would be happy to have?

good luck to you))))