I'm not sure what to do.
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I'm not sure what to do.
I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years 2 months ago (I know that's not long compared to many of you). I'm 20 and I can't explain the feelings I had, I loved her so much. I've been feeling really depressed lately. Every 5-10 minutes a memory pops in my head and it really brings me down. Its affecting my eating and sleeping pattern. Its affecting my university work and my job. It's come to a point where I have to force myself to look happy in front of people because I don't want to lose anyone else. I know people will say "you are young, don't worry about it" and "times a healer" but it's killing me inside. I just need some advice from people who have been through the same because its really dragging me down and I've had enough of feeling like this.
Hey BARJ,
I think this is perfectly "normal." 2 years is a long time for a relationship, and not only will you be losing a friend, but surely your lifestyle has undergone significant changes. It is difficult, no doubt about it, and it is entirely normal to have mental flashes when you do things that used to involve your ex.
I'm not too much older than you, but I have gone through three of these (relationships longer than a year) and many that lasted for shorter periods of time. This feeling is common. If it makes you feel better, I still think of some of my ex's many years later and it pains me to remember certain things.
In terms of advice -
Don't become too introverted. I have found memories that induce sadness must leave in a natural organic way. There is no amount of reflection that will magically fix this. "Time heals all wounds" they say. So if you can try and avoid reflecting for hours about the relationship, then do so. It will only go away in time.
Your lifestyle has changed, so try and change your own lifestyle and tackle that issue head on. Take up some hobbies, try and make new friends, take different classes maybe. By changing your own lifestyle, even in small ways, there will be fewer mental triggers.
I am well aware it is hard to contemplate doing some of these things because you are probably lacking motivation to be social and such. Sometimes it is difficult to even get out of bed in the morning, I am sure. Trust me on this one, as difficult as it is the first month or two, it will become much easier once you are in a routine, and you will regain your zeal faster than you think.
Simple things - try a new diet and exercise regimen. That is an old favorite because it doesn't necessarily involve being in social settings, but it works - less pressure.
Finally, this is a cliche, but you're young. Eventually, you will discover that being single does have its advantages. I took up plenty of exchange opportunities during my undergrad, foreign work placements, etc... No matter how painful it is to look back on some of my past relationships, there is not one that I can honestly say it would have been worth not doing the amount of travelling I did, seeing amazing things, meeting interesting people, etc... In fact, I once took one of those exchange opportunities to escape a breakup and the feelings you have adequately described.
In sum, this is common. Breakups are not easy for anyone. Just try and avoid reflecting on it and inducing more loneliness.
I hope this helps, feel free to PM any time.
Best
I think this is perfectly "normal." 2 years is a long time for a relationship, and not only will you be losing a friend, but surely your lifestyle has undergone significant changes. It is difficult, no doubt about it, and it is entirely normal to have mental flashes when you do things that used to involve your ex.
I'm not too much older than you, but I have gone through three of these (relationships longer than a year) and many that lasted for shorter periods of time. This feeling is common. If it makes you feel better, I still think of some of my ex's many years later and it pains me to remember certain things.
In terms of advice -
Don't become too introverted. I have found memories that induce sadness must leave in a natural organic way. There is no amount of reflection that will magically fix this. "Time heals all wounds" they say. So if you can try and avoid reflecting for hours about the relationship, then do so. It will only go away in time.
Your lifestyle has changed, so try and change your own lifestyle and tackle that issue head on. Take up some hobbies, try and make new friends, take different classes maybe. By changing your own lifestyle, even in small ways, there will be fewer mental triggers.
I am well aware it is hard to contemplate doing some of these things because you are probably lacking motivation to be social and such. Sometimes it is difficult to even get out of bed in the morning, I am sure. Trust me on this one, as difficult as it is the first month or two, it will become much easier once you are in a routine, and you will regain your zeal faster than you think.
Simple things - try a new diet and exercise regimen. That is an old favorite because it doesn't necessarily involve being in social settings, but it works - less pressure.
Finally, this is a cliche, but you're young. Eventually, you will discover that being single does have its advantages. I took up plenty of exchange opportunities during my undergrad, foreign work placements, etc... No matter how painful it is to look back on some of my past relationships, there is not one that I can honestly say it would have been worth not doing the amount of travelling I did, seeing amazing things, meeting interesting people, etc... In fact, I once took one of those exchange opportunities to escape a breakup and the feelings you have adequately described.
In sum, this is common. Breakups are not easy for anyone. Just try and avoid reflecting on it and inducing more loneliness.
I hope this helps, feel free to PM any time.
Best
((((((( BARJ )))))))) big hugs. gfp defiantly provided you with some good advice to take into consideration. I am a tad younger ( by two years ) than you and I am undoubtedly not experienced with this issue. I can however tell you the importance of taking this time to develop a better relationship with the one person you will be with the rest of your life no matter what, and that's you. Take this time to figure out exactly who it is you are.
I agree with the hobbies too, I personally use art to cope with my emotions as they surface, and some light exercise. You just need to find what you enjoy and do it, maybe even use this hobby to meet others who share it.
Its hard to talk about problems without bringing up some cliques so here is mine for the topic haha. Your Heart is like a mirror it will reflect back the love it senses, but when the heart breaks and you put it all back together you still see the lines where the pieces broke apart. This doesn't mean you will feel hurt forever just that it will make you wiser, helping you cope better in the future with possible issues.
"You Cannot really enjoy the sweet without first tasting the bitter"
I wish you nothing but Happiness that hopefully greets you soon.
Love,
PeaceLove
I agree with the hobbies too, I personally use art to cope with my emotions as they surface, and some light exercise. You just need to find what you enjoy and do it, maybe even use this hobby to meet others who share it.
Its hard to talk about problems without bringing up some cliques so here is mine for the topic haha. Your Heart is like a mirror it will reflect back the love it senses, but when the heart breaks and you put it all back together you still see the lines where the pieces broke apart. This doesn't mean you will feel hurt forever just that it will make you wiser, helping you cope better in the future with possible issues.
"You Cannot really enjoy the sweet without first tasting the bitter"
I wish you nothing but Happiness that hopefully greets you soon.
Love,
PeaceLove
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