My Story

[tonytwist]

My wife and I have known each other for 18 years (half our lives) and have been married for 13 years. Our marriage has always been fraught with tension because of my anger issues which stemmed from my being physically and verbally abused as a child. Four months ago my wife left me and I have been unable to shake the sadness since. I lost all interest in work, I didn't eat sometimes for days, I barely slept, even the love of my six year old daughter, whom we shared joint custody with, wasn't enough.

About 3 weeks ago, I received a phone call from our real estate agent that there was an offer on our home. I never wanted to sell our home, I wanted to try and save our marriage but my wife did not and so I went along with it hoping that with the economy being as it was, the house wouldn't sell. The news of the offer was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. In a matter of weeks I had lost my wife, my time with my daughter was cut in half, and now the house was sold and I would have to start from scratch again. It was too much for me to cope with so I took a dozen sleeping pills and washed them down with a half a bottle of cognac. My co-workers found me slumped in my car 24 hours later and rushed me to the hospital where I spent a week in the mental health unit.

Because of my actions, Children's Aid has gotten involved and I have not seen my daughter since. I've been calling them everyday to find out when I will be reunited with my daughter again but with it being the holidays, no one has returned my calls and my wife refuses to let me see or even talk to my daughter. I terribly regret what I did, I've lost precious time with the ones I love most that I will never get back.

Since being discharged from the hospital, I've spent my time reading self-help books, watching motivational videos on YouTube, signing up for meditation classes, and I've made an appointment to see a therapist on Friday. I still feel suicidal sometimes, especially when I look at my daughter's pictures and I miss her SO much. For the first time in my life, I am truly scared. Scared of starting over again on my own, scared of having lost my wife and daughter permanently. Christmas time has always been such a joyful time in my life but not this year. This Christmas has been fraught with sadness, misery, and despair. I try to motivate myself by telling myself that I will be with my daughter (and possibly my wife) again. But more often then not, I don't believe what I am saying. I never imagined that my life would turn out like this, it's been so incredibly hard.

[Husky]

Tony, I can really relate to what your going through right now. Back in July of 2012 i overdosed on about 40 acetaminophen. I recovered but my battle with depression continues on. My fiance left me at the same time of my overdose. We were together for almost 5 years and just had a baby together in May. I lost the family that we were just starting together. We were to get married in October too. I left the city that i was living in and moved back to my home town to be close to my parents and other family for support. When my sick benefits ran out in October and i tried to get an extended leave of absence from my employer, they said no and i was left without a job. I'm still unemployed, with no money coming in and money that i have in the bank is getting low. It's hard man, not knowing whats next and having to start over is a very scary thing for me too.