Depression Understood Forums

and it keeps replaying in my head over and over like some broken tape that is stuck on the reel and I am trying to keep my head above water but the waves keep crashing over me and I can't catch my breath feels like dying over and over and the darkeness is so black like a hole in my life and my heart...

Woke up at 4:30AM. Couldn’t settle my mind so decided to get up. Next time I looked at the clock it was 1:30AM. Had cup of coffee and 2 cigarettes. Came inside and it was 1:22AM. Time is weird. Have headphones in my ears full blast but it is still too quiet. Can’t drown out the voices. Can’t make ou...

Thank you for your response.

I am inpatient...again. Difference is, this time my husband is standing by me. He has even agreed to go to counseling himself. I think I am in the right place and on the right road.

I pray...

took 85 10mg Loxapine, tequila and vicoden last night. Still here. Why can't I just die???

Jerry just left me. I won't last the night. Thank you for all your support. Goodbye.

Really manic today. Disorganized thoughts, can't sit still, pannicky, need help but can't ask. Can't talk to hubby, he has enough to deal with. Therapist Friday, Psych Saturday. Will have to deal until then. I am considering self medicating (not drugs, but taking meds outside perscribed reasons) to ...

I am so sorry. I know you are trying to help but I just don't understand what you are trying to say. Bad nights sleep again and mind still really slow.

Can you try again?

PS. I did end up telling my psych about everything. The voices, the rage, the bad thoughts, everything. We discussed going inpatient. Then he called in my husband (who I DON"T share everything with) and my husband told him I was fine. Dr started me on loxapine that drugged me up too much to act...

strong has nothing to do with it. He is the only thing that has kept me alive for 7 years now. Without him...

However, he is only 52. We have a long way to go...I hope.

Open up my mind and see the person life has made of me and all that I may never be Tears hidden in the rain Look inside my heart and find the pain that leaves the senses blind as sorrow helps the days unwind Tears hidden in the rain Walk inside my shoes and know The hopelessness I never show but thr...

Klonopin is an anti anxiety med. I am supposed to take 1 at a time every 4 hours as needed. I was taking 4 at a time. All day. Hindsight is 20/20 they say. Wound up going into the hospital. 5 days. Did you actually say lie to the psyh dr about my homocidal thoughts??? About the overwhelming need to ...

On my way to psych dr. Do I tell him the truth and get locked up or lie and get to stay hme??? I have been sedating myself with large doses of Klonopin so he won't notice and I can keep control of the monster inside me.

I know yu mean well but you are so full of shit.

I am scared. Right now; This very minute. Terrified of what I may do. I want to hurt something. Destroy everything. I can't sit still. I am terrified of myself. Therapist visit this morning. Too short. She says I need help. I KNOW THAT. Psych Dr tomorrow. He will put me on meds. Will take weeks to w...

Know this - I will stay with my husband "Through better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, till [u]death[/u] us do part".