dead inside2

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someone.
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:47 am

dead inside2

Postby someone. » Tue Feb 12, 2019 12:54 pm

i'm just so empty and numb to everything.I feel like a sociopath sometimes. It's like my sadness has turned to a hollowness. Most of the time, its an like empty shell and at the same time its holding so many emotions that are on the verge of bursting. Sometimes though, it feels as if the shell holds a thousand pieces of glass that are wedged in between my soul and body, opening wounds that would never stop bleeding out. And that the scariest part of all this is that one second I could be someone , someone in pain and sadness. and somehow the next second, im a nobody and I don't seem to feel. I don't seem to exist at all.
what I hate about this is my self destruction or maybe they call it self sabotage. idek . but I seem to ruin everything. push away people. ruin friendships and relationships. My ability too not open up to anyone is makes me isolate my feelings and continuously lie. I could be in a room full of people yet feel so alone.
however somehow,anger is always there. an anger fueled by my desire to give up. im angry at myself for being so weak. for being so fragile. for being how I am. im angry at myself that im not scared of death but Im scared of living . im angry at myself for being such a goddamn mess.
the funny part about all this is noone realises. everyone is so guilable and stupid . im wiltering away and noone seems to realizes and soon it will be too late.

IvyAnonymous
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2019 4:01 am

Re: dead inside2

Postby IvyAnonymous » Wed Feb 13, 2019 4:20 am

I don't know if you're still on here, but I feel the exact same way. I'm new to this, and what I'm seeing is thousands of people who understand the hell that our lives can be. Honestly I don't understand how people can just be... normal. It confounds me that some people don't have days where they can't get out of bed because the depression or anxiety is eating them alive, they can just live without having to fight for every step. It's like I can be laying in bed completely and utterly terrified, and then the next moment everything just goes numb. Like the world looses color. Like I can't see the good, or bad in anything anymore. I'm just nothing inside. On my good days I do feel good emotions. On my bad days, I switch from anxiety to depression to apathy and back again throughout the day.

someone.
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:47 am

Re: dead inside2

Postby someone. » Wed Feb 13, 2019 4:47 am

IvyAnonymous wrote:I don't know if you're still on here, but I feel the exact same way. I'm new to this, and what I'm seeing is thousands of people who understand the hell that our lives can be. Honestly I don't understand how people can just be... normal. It confounds me that some people don't have days where they can't get out of bed because the depression or anxiety is eating them alive, they can just live without having to fight for every step. It's like I can be laying in bed completely and utterly terrified, and then the next moment everything just goes numb. Like the world looses color. Like I can't see the good, or bad in anything anymore. I'm just nothing inside. On my good days I do feel good emotions. On my bad days, I switch from anxiety to depression to apathy and back again throughout the day.

yea I think that most of the people here even though dont know what the person goes thro or their story they can somehow understand.
my time zone is completely different from yours, and im kinda new to this too. im here for u if u need anything .

IvyAnonymous
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2019 4:01 am

Re: dead inside2

Postby IvyAnonymous » Wed Feb 13, 2019 10:03 pm

yea I think that most of the people here even though dont know what the person goes thro or their story they can somehow understand.
my time zone is completely different from yours, and im kinda new to this too. im here for u if u need anything .[/quote]

I'll usually be here anytime after 3 ish, I'm in a pretty northern time zones so I don't know how that will translate. I think you hit the nail on the head about the chat rooms from what I've seen. We may all be complete strangers, but we're all like glass that's been cracked in the same way. We can't relate to how it happened most of the time but we can relate to the result. Older sister problems, feeling different, I'm kind of a megadork.


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