Boyfriend with Severe Depression

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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Emilyytt
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2018 9:51 pm

Boyfriend with Severe Depression

Postby Emilyytt » Mon Sep 17, 2018 10:09 pm

Hello everyone, I am in desperate need of help with my situation.

My boyfriend has severe depression, and gets waves of it randomly. We started dating in May and he was absolutely perfect. I fell in love with him on our very first date. He mentioned things like “I am the person that I WANT to be when I’m with you,” which may have hinted at the fact that he had severe depression early on, however he didn’t disclose it to me until later. After about two months of us dating, he began to act slightly less happy however he still asked me to move in with him and he had more good days than bad. About three weeks after I moved in with him, he had changed into a completely different person in an instance. I don’t remember exactly WHEN he changed, but it didn’t even feel like I knew him anymore.

His behavior changed. He began to use video games as an emotional outlet, and he would play them for thirteen hours or more. He would come home from work and go off on me if I even tried to touch him, hug him, or speak to him. He began texting people at all hours, and many of them were people I had never seen him text before. However he is very protective of his phone and privacy so I do not know what he said nor whom he was talking to all the time. If I spoke up for myself, tried to talk to him at all, or asked him to do something with me he would explode on me. Eventually he explained to me the severity of his depression and that he was pushing me away in order to protect me. He asked me to move out of his apartment, and now we don’t talk at all or see each other.

My greatest concern was the fact that he resorted to texting and talking to pretty much everyone else in his life but didn’t want to even communicate with me or be around me. I will admit that this made me very jealous and caused me to believe that he was cheating on me. I have been begging him to talk to me and see me, as recently as an hour ago. I fear that he is going to retreat from me more and more as I continue to try to get him to open up to me, and eventually break up with me.

I know that I want to stay with him, but I am mentally exhausted and all I want from him is to text me occasionally and see me in person maybe once a week. I worry about him and I worry about us as a couple. I do not know how to get him to talk to me at all or see me at all without setting him off again or causing him to just end things between us.

I apologize for the messiness of this message; I am extremely emotional and have no clue what to do anymore. Any help is greatly appreciated.

Golda Dilema
Posts: 29
Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2018 12:51 am

Re: Boyfriend with Severe Depression

Postby Golda Dilema » Tue Sep 18, 2018 1:41 am

When I was depressed I would distance myself from those that I love too. I preferred to be alone and have my own world. I didn't want people asking me questions nor be concerned for me. I didn't want people to see me depressed and not in a good way of thinking.

You may try to write your boyfriend a letter. Express that you love him no matter what he is going through. You may also accompany him to seek professional help.

CamilaWillaims
Posts: 30
Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2018 6:45 am
Location: USA
Contact:

Re: Boyfriend with Severe Depression

Postby CamilaWillaims » Tue Sep 18, 2018 6:41 am

Golda Dilema wrote:When I was depressed I would distance myself from those that I love too. I preferred to be alone and have my own world. I didn't want people asking me questions nor be concerned for me. I didn't want people to see me depressed and not in a good way of thinking.

You may try to write your boyfriend a letter. Express that you love him no matter what he is going through. You may also accompany him to seek professional help.


Agreed to Golda Dilema.

chinaandback
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2018 10:34 am

Re: Boyfriend with Severe Depression

Postby chinaandback » Thu Sep 20, 2018 12:45 pm

Emily,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been involved with emotionally unavailable people before and it is so painful! You boyfriend probably felt those endorphins of being in love at the beginning, which overroad the depression and asked you quickly to move in, hoping he would continue to feel happy around you. He probably wasn't lying when he said he wanted to protect you. His depression and the way he is treating you is NOT your fault. It sounds like he needs help and I will pray that he gets it. Sadly, as I've experienced, the more you try to be in his life, the more he will push you away. I agree with the other posters' suggestion of a letter. Send it and then give him some space. It's not your "job" to try to fix him. You can be a supportive girlfriend but maybe think about if there is a future with this person. Is he being treated? I would hope he would seek help so that he can live a fulfilling life. (((hugs)))


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