My story

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2018 4:13 pm

My story

Postby Translucid » Sat Sep 15, 2018 4:35 pm

I started again trying to get a better hold on my depression in May. Well it backfired and actually made it worse. Started a group therapy Mid-June nd my paperwork was sent in for FMLA and Short term disability. Two weeks in therapy my girlfriend broke up with me because my depression was effecting her too and she would handle it anymore. That made me suicidal. Not the break up but it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I've been fighting with feelings of worthless and that just tipped the scales. I went inpatient for a week. Meds were figured out, therapy, socializing was amazing and helped me a lot. I went back to therapy right after that. I was cleared to go back Mid-August. Due to paperwork and an amazing amount of red tape I couldn't get my disability checks or my return to work sent in so I could start again. All that boiling for a month. I gained 30lbs in that month. Due medication and not working out. I felt useless. I couldn't go back to work. I couldn't help with finances. I couldnt please her in the bedroom. And I had suicidal thoughts again. Went back to inpatient. I just recently returned home. Now my girlfriend and I are fighting. We need to move out shortly. Trying to find a new place and finding the money to do so. She feels she can't talk to me anymore. She's too scared to approach anything in fear of my previous reactions. She's overly stressed from work and finances which I'm not helping at all. I'll get my back pay Friday and I start back next week. I don't know if I should try harder and push through because I adding income things will be easier on both of us. She's not sure about getting a place now. Afraid I have a bad episode and kill myself. Afraid I'll leave and leaving her with the apartment alone. But I want to fight. I've changed so much in the last month. Not only to better myself but to also better the relationship. It seems like that has no merit to her. I can't stand seein her like this. I don't know if I should fight and try even harder. Or just ease her burden and go to my mom's. Which is the worst thing. I have no transportation seems like soon I'll have shelter. Just don't know what to do anymore.

Posts: 9
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2018 8:28 am

Re: My story

Postby kevinloveslena » Wed Sep 19, 2018 12:03 pm

Hello translucid, I am so sorry that you are going through this deep, dark valley with no end in sight. I have been suffering from severe pain and depression for six years now, so I can relate to what you are going through on some level. As I read your post, I felt like I was on a rollercoaster that never let up…a rollercoaster that keeps on going and going and going, and at some point something is going to bust loose and the cart that you are on is going to fly off and crash.

Though I am married now with children, I did not get married until I was in my 30s. What I have learned is that there are things that will actually increase anxiety and depression rather than helping it. Specifically, living with a girlfriend or boyfriend (cohabitation). In a study conducted by the National Institute of Child Health and Development, it was found that “cohabitating relationships are less stable than marriage and that instability is increasing.” Further, they found that people in cohabiting relationships:

• Living together is considered to be more stressful than being married.
• Compared to those planning to marry, those cohabiting have an overall poorer relationship quality. They tend to have more fighting and violence and less reported happiness.
• Cohabiting couples earn less money and are less wealthy than their married peers later in life.
• Compared to married individuals, those cohabiting have higher levels of depression and substance abuse.

So, I know that it may be difficult to break up with your girlfriend and end the living relationship with her, based on this information, it may be the best thing for you in the long run. The other thing that I wanted to discuss is that of faith and active participation in a local church. In 2015, the National Institutes of Health conducted a retroactive study of suicides (both completed and attempted) and compared them to the individual’s spiritual beliefs and participation in a local church. What they found was that there was a direct correlation between lack of faith and suicide. Do you believe in God? Are you involved in a local church? What I have found is that my local church has been so supportive of me.

I wish you the best and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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